Bride (Bride, #1)

by Ali Hazelwood

Because the key to everything is but a line of code.

This is not right and makes no sense.

I was able to rifle through her bank statements, IP addresses, cell phone locations. Herald emails, metadata, app usage.

IP addresses? Metadata? Neither of those make sense here

We just kind of toggle between two settings.” This time I do smile, keeping my lips sealed. “Love the coding references.” “You like tech?” “I like what tech can do.”

CRINGE!!!!!

“Oh.” I pick up a ladle. Or a spatula. I forgot which one is which.

She doesn't know the difference?

Deep in a Human server with ties to the governor’s office, hidden in a memo locked behind a bewildering number of passwords, I discovered a communication regarding a summit that had occurred a couple of weeks earlier.

Did she just hack into the government?! /srs

I like data, and numbers, and thinking things through with logic and pivot tables.

She just likes using words

She nods. “Does your cat happen to be gray? Long hair? Smushed face?” “Yes. Her name is Sparkles.” Oh, fuck. “First of all, he’s a boy.” She blinks at me. “His name is Sparkles, then.” “No, his name is Serena’s damn fucking cat.” Ana’s expression is pitying. “And he’s actually my cat.” Serena’s. Whatever.

Why is she being so mean to this child wtf

“He chose to work with the Loyals,” Ken says, cracking his knuckles. Cal, to my shock, shrugs. “I suppose you’re right.” He, too, cracks his knuckles.

Both of them cracking their knuckles is sending meeee

“That was a show, meant to scare Max. And it would have worked, we could all smell it.

Hardy har this guy is perfect

“How curious. You don’t strike me as the type who ever had a home.”

Lmao why would he say that

In the dim light of dusk, the yellow eyes of a gray wolf stare angrily at me.

How did she mix up a cat and a wolf

“What the fuck are you doing, wife?”

I'm scared ew

“She—very astutely, I must say, and with only very primitive tools at her disposal—hacked into our servers,” Alex announces. A little admiringly, which is flattering.

STOOOOP

“Or of a chicken coop, if you ask me.” I bite my lower lip, mulling it over. “Who is Ana’s father?”

Girl shut up fr /cry

And yet, I carry on. Even after overhearing Alex say, “Please, please, don’t let me die until I turn twenty-five or I get to visit the the Spy Museum, whatever comes first.” Yeah. He prays a lot.

Uhhh wtf

Her words make me chuckle. When I notice her scowl, I hasten to add, “Sorry—it’s not about you. I just remembered that when we were around thirteen, my sister and I used to have this really weird caregiver, and whenever we had a fight he would force us to cut each other’s toenails.” “What?” “I think he got it from a TV show. For each nail, we had to say something nice about each other. And the habit kind of stuck, and it became the way we fixed all our fights?”

This is weird

“—won’t be activated until you enter this line of code.” “I entered it,” Lowe rumbles. “Exactly the way I wrote it here, on this piece of paper.” “I did.” “It’s case-sensitive. Alpha,” he tacks on. Reminding himself that Lowe’s his boss. His very stubborn boss.

I think the word the author meant was PASSWORD not fucking CODE

He stands, and Alex and I exchange an incredulous look, the words digital illiterate floating in the air between us in Papyrus.

This is an awful sentence

“When is your birthday?” Ana asks me, after Mick reveals an unexpected expertise in astrology and informs Ana that she’s a Virgo. Alex is an Aquarius—a fact that, like everything else under the sun, violently alarms him. “I don’t have one,” I tell her, still reeling from the mental image of middle-aged, rugged Mick perching rimmed glasses on his nose and settling in bed with a copy of The Zodiac for Dummies. “My mate used to dabble,” he whispers at me, picking up on my befuddlement. Peas sputter out of Ana’s mouth. “How can you not have a birthday?”

This dialogue is jumbled. The order is attempting to be clever but is needlessly confusing

“I count one up on Vampyre New Year’s Day.”

It's not clear if all vampires do not have birthdays or if it is just her. Bad writing

That’s what I’m failing at when Lowe arrives. He doesn’t notice me right away, and I get to observe him as he gracefully lifts himself up the eave. He

Everyone in the family just hangs out on the roof I guess

“Ana watched it at six and will need expensive therapy well into her forties.”

Extensive?

“We get blood-hungry when we’re hot, and we get hot after we feed. It won’t last long.”

This logic is paradoxical

“I agree,” Juno intervenes. “We should trust Misery.”

This is ridiculous take the child to a doctor jesus

“Yeah.” I shrug mechanically, dipping the tip of a spoon in the peanut butter. “I figured it’d be the most likely way Serena—” I turn around, abruptly realizing that I’m not having a conversation with myself anymore. Lowe stands by the table, arms crossed. Eyes veiled with something. “When did you get here?”

Why would she think she was talking to herself??? WEIRD DIALOGUE

“It doesn’t. What you’re saying makes sense, and I wish I’d thought of it sooner.”

Yes. Why didn't you?!

“—her organism deals with the poison. She’ll gradually slip into a healing trance.

Her organism? She is the organism…

“We shouldn’t risk it.” “Agreed,” Cal says. “Let’s move Ana to a safe place until we find out who did this.” “We all know it was Emery.” Mick. “I know no such thing, and I’m done assuming.” Lowe is icily, murderously angry. “My wife was on the brink of death until hours ago. I’m going to move Ana to a safe place. This is not up for discussion.”

Why is he STILL defending Emery. His mate was literally poisoned

My organism, slowly self-cannibalizing.

"My organism" …???

“I grew up with a Human. My reproductive organs don’t significantly differ from Humans who are assigned female at birth.”

Weeewoooo it's the woke police

“Most Were packs have highly organized investment portfolios. That’s where the expenses for infrastructure and the leadership roles who don’t have the time to hold other jobs come from.”

LMAO WHAT

Lowe’s hand slides to my waist, pulling me into his larger body.

STOP THE PDA FFS

Owen is surprisingly decent company and gave me access to his gaming consoles.

Awful line. Wtf

last time I saw her she had bangs and a bob that made it just past her chin,

Ew

The good of the most, Misery.”

Good of the ***many*** !! Did the editors even read the book

Her chin lifts. “My reasoning skills have always been on point, fuckwaffle.”

CRIIIIIIINGE

Ana. Of course. The governor must have found out, perhaps from Thomas, or maybe from…I turn to Mick again. “Did you tell the governor?” “Oh, no,” Father interrupts. “You are mistaken, Misery.

Shut your big mouth. He hasn't even told you what he knows

The girl had grown into a promising, if very Human, young woman.

Weird sentence.

“So, no, Misery. It wasn’t the governor who eliminated Thomas Jalakas. Or it was, but only in the sense that I thralled him to think that if he didn’t, his embezzlement peccadillos would be unearthed.

He's just spilling his whole evil plan to them…?

“I don’t doubt it,” Lowe replies. His deep voice reverberates in the large room, filling it in a way a dozen people hadn’t managed.

Why is he yelling lol

“Is she not, Lowe?” Father asks, suddenly louder. He’s still holding my eyes. “Your mate?” I stare back, waiting for Lowe’s answer, waiting to see the disappointment in my father’s eyes. Hoping it’ll make the one I experienced earlier tonight less bitter. But time ticks on by. And Lowe’s reply just temporizes, hangs back, hesitates, and never comes.

BITCH LIE FFS

Lowe, Owen, Serena—even Mick, they all attempt to reach for me, but are restrained by Father’s enforcers, and when the tip of the blade grazes my skin they stop at once, with equally terrified expressions on their faces. The silence that follows is overstrung, filled by loud heartbeats and heavy breathing.

Owen and Mick - WHAT DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?! Bad fucking writing

And that…that thing she isn’t able to do? She shouldn’t be sad about it. Because she’ll grow into it. And she’ll definitely be able to do it by the time she’s twenty-five or so.”

EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT YOU'RE FUCKING TALKING ABOUT. GOD

He gives me an appalled glance, like I’m a first-row nerd yelling Teacher, pick me! and then stops in front of a closed door.

Uh yeah

“The Weres were still monitoring the governor to see what his next step would be, and he made a call to Father. At that point, it became clear that they were collaborating on something, and that Mick was aiding them. Lowe told me to call Father and lie—the story was that once you and Mick disappeared, Lowe contacted me to find you because he thought I might be willing to help, and instead I took him captive. You’ve seen the rest.” He squints at me. “Again, it was his idea.”

Still have no answer as to why they were in a cell guarded by wolves. AND the whole escape scene was unnecessary

My eyes meet Lowe’s, briefly and for entirely too long. What passes between us is too combustible a moment not to glance away immediately. “You okay?” he asks. No. “Yeah. You?” “Yeah.” He means no, but for now it doesn’t matter.

What was the fucking point of him telling her they weren't mates when she guessed it. Bad writing

And when this area is at peace and the Vampyres’ influence is reduced to near insignificance,

Why does he want his own people's influence reduced to insignificance? I'm sure we can find a middle ground…

“Owen, then.” They share a glance. And after a split-second hesitation, Lowe says, “Or you.” Shockingly, Owen nods. And then they both look at me expectantly.

Lmao what. Why would Owen be okay with that

“Unless the need arises, feel free to never tell me what you settle on.”

No therapist would recommend that

We hang out in my room, Serena reading up on everything that’s happened while she was cut off from the world, me blinking sleepily at the black dots on the ceiling, trying to figure out whether they’re tiny bugs or specks of dirt. Somehow, I’m always wrong.

What a weird line