Paddle Your Own Canoe: One Man's Principles for Delicious Living

by Nick Offerman

It kinda tells you all you need to know about church if three seconds of bell-clanging is the high point of the action.

If you long for a Phish fan, well, I don’t know what they typically look like, but I’m betting it’s more laissez-faire than most.

It is hard to fail but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.

Only those are fit to live who do not fear to die and none are fit to die who have shrunk from the joy of life and the duty of life.

“Just always do the best you can, and then nobody can fault your effort.”

Marching through life with a confederate in mirth is one of the greatest pleasures that can befall a man, woman, or chipmunk.

When I see a person without makeup, I think she appears real, like nature made her, which to me is purely beautiful. When a person has applied, even expertly, a full face of makeup, then she appears to me to resemble someone on the cover of a magazine or something manufactured, like a doll.

coalescing in the air before me like a large cartoon fist before soundly bludgeoning me into servitude. I couldn’t stop and rest because of the severe headwind, so I set my jaw and paddled like a Phoenician, literally guiding myself by the Big Dipper until we floated safely into the dock. Standing on the dock, spent, under the stars, my then-girlfriend told me she loved me.

“Dopiaries” are, of course, dope-ass topiary bushes.