In response to the query, “How do you grow that robust moustache for Ron Swanson?” I can walk you through the steps: 1. I don’t shave my lip area. 2. After two weeks, I have a passable moustache, in the form of long, luxurious stubble. 3. I continue to eschew the razor. 4. After three to four weeks, my whiskers have developed to the point where I can play a sheriff who is so tough that he eats nails, but still not Swanson. 5. I refuse to shave. 6. After five weeks, the whiskers growing from just beneath my nostrils have extended down, wirelike, to reach my top lip, a distance of one full
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