Paddle Your Own Canoe: One Man's Principles for Delicious Living

by Nick Offerman

Basically, this book boils down to how an average human dipshit like myself, relying solely on warped individuality and a little elbow grease, can actually rise from a simple life of relative poverty to one of prosperity, measured in American dollars and Italian band saws, sure, but more importantly, laughter, wood shavings, and kisses.

Uncle Don had the most throbbing boner of a vehicle you could have in 1978—the Pontiac Firebird with the phoenix on the hood and the T-top. It was so badass.

In high school, when I figured out that I would be attending theater school to pursue stage acting, he said to me, “I understand this decision and I think it’s something you might have a shot at. I just want you to be careful, because in the world of show business there’s going to be a lot of drugs and a lot of sex. There’s going to be a lot of temptation.” And I said, “Yes, thank you!”

Theodore Roosevelt, aka “number 26.” Here is a piece he wrote to adorn the wall of the lobby at New York City’s magnificent Museum of Natural History: MANHOOD A man’s usefulness depends upon his living up to his ideals insofar as he can. It is hard to fail but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. All daring and courage, all iron endurance of misfortune, make for a finer, nobler type of manhood. Only those are fit to live who do not fear to die and none are fit to die who have shrunk from the joy of life and the duty of life.

Sato-sensei made me a bit of a teacher’s pet. Pulling weeds in his garden one day, he casually dropped this bomb: “The act of pulling weeds has the very same impetus that causes war. We’re killing these bad shoots so the ones we favor can receive all the sunlight, nutrients, and water. That’s all war is: killing weeds.”

“Always maintain the attitude of a student.” When a person thinks they have finished learning, that is when bitterness and disappointment can set in, as that person will wake up every day wondering when someone is going to throw a parade in their honor for being so smart. As human beings, we, by the definition of our very natures, can never be perfect. This means that as long as we are alive and kicking, we can be improving ourselves. No matter our age, if we always have a project to which we can apply ourselves, then we will wake up every day with an objective, something productive to get done. This allows us to go to bed at night in the peaceful knowledge that we have done some good, gained some achievement, however small.