Almost Surely Dead

by Amina Akhtar

I didn’t know her, but I was thankful. I wanted to go home. I was mortified I’d made such a scene. All this fuss was over me.

I was used to people dying around me. But this time it was different, and I couldn’t shake how it made me feel: like I hadn’t escaped, I’d only postponed things.

I held my breath and closed my eyes and wished that I’d be the best Dunia in the world; that way Ammi would love me like she loved Nadia,

Because once your family thinks you’re the source of all things wrong, you can never convince them otherwise.

had to do better. The last thing I needed was to lose my job on top of everything else. But I felt like the biggest loser that day. Dunia, who couldn’t even do her job right. Pathetic. My joyful weekend was long forgotten by the time lunch rolled around. I wanted to just hide. Which I did, after work. Zabir texted, but I told him I’d had a rough day at work and would talk to him later. I didn’t want people to know I was such a screwup. Was I taking this too hard? Yes, but I hated doing a bad job.

Boys got to act out, but girls? No, we had to behave and be good and not imagine things that scared everyone. Only Baba agreed with me. He tried to reason with my parents, but it didn’t help.