What's Left of Me

by Kristen Granata

Mom always used to say, “When someone pushes you away, you need to find the strength to hold on tighter.” Maybe Callie just needs someone to fight for her, to show her how she should be fighting for herself.

Lesson number one: Take care of yourself. Nobody else will do it better than you can.” I hum as I let her wise words sink in. “That’s a lesson I’m working on.” “Glad to hear it, sugar. It’s never too late to learn how to love yourself. Now, sign those papers, and let’s get cooking!”

The right person won’t ask you to sacrifice who you are for his love. Losing yourself in a relationship is never an option. You’re the most important thing you’ve got. You can love someone with your whole heart and still stay true to yourself. If he doesn’t like that, then he’s not the one for you. Do you understand?” I swipe away my tears as they force themselves to the surface. “What do you do if you’ve already lost yourself?” “You find your way back.”

“And you two have each other. Love is the most important thing. Nothing else matters in this world. Don’t let any other bullshit get in your way. Do you understand?”

“Let that angel cleanse you. Follow her out of the darkness and find peace.”

But I see it so clearly now. You’re my savior. My angel. My redemption.”

And I choose to smile, because life is all about the choices we make. We choose to see things one way or the other. We choose to accept or to hate. We choose to be happy or sad. Bitter or grateful. To forgive or blame. To hold on or let go. When I look back on that former life, I don’t resent it. It’s a part of me. Part of my journey. So, I carry those scars with me, and I choose to wear them like a badge of honor. Like a warrior. Because that’s who I am. That’s who I choose to be. Callie the Courageous.

When you’re sure you’ve lost everything, there’s one thing that always remains deep down inside yourself. Hope.