What's Left of Me

by Kristen Granata

“I know you regret putting your hands on me. I know this isn’t something you take pleasure in. But apologizing doesn’t do anything to fix the problem, Paul. An apology becomes a lie if you keep doing the thing you’re sorry for.” He nods. “I get it. Just tell me what I can do to fix this. I want to fix it, Callie. I don’t want to lose you.” “I don’t know how to fix the kind of problem you have. I think you need to go to therapy, or anger management.” “Done. I’ll do it. I’ll go tomorrow.” I chew my bottom lip. “Is that enough?” he asks. “If I get help, will that make you come back home?” “I ... I don’t know.” His head jerks back. “What are you saying?” “I don’t know.” I pinch the bridge of my nose between my thumb and my index finger. “I don’t have a solution. I don’t have an answer for you. All I do know is that you need help, and so do I.” His hand clamps over my knee. “We can go together. We can work through this. I know we can.” “I think we need to go separately before we can go together.” “Fine. I’ll go alone. Whatever you want me to do, it’s done.” That doesn’t sit right with me. “Paul, do you realize what you just said?” His head tilts. “What?” “You said you’ll do whatever I want you to do. But this isn’t about what I want. This is about what you need. What you should want for yourself. I don’t want you to go to therapy because you think that’s what will get me to forgive you. I want you to go to therapy because you want to.” “You know what I mean, Callie. Of course I...