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As the days and months wore on, it became clear—if I wanted to be happy, that was my responsibility.
How could we ever spend two weeks in a small cabin without killing each other? These days, we barely last five hours.
The one thing—the only thing—that I know for certain is that I’m not losing my wife.
As much as the kids shouldn’t have done this, I’m grateful they did. It gives me two weeks to figure this out. Because I have to figure this out. I’m not losing Lauren.
It’s pure hell being around a woman you love so fucking much and knowing you’re making her miserable.
Maybe we need to make some changes—maybe I need to do something different—but we will stay together. We have to. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
And one day, you’ll be my age and you’ll look back on all the decades of your life—the easy ones, the hard ones, too—and you’ll realize it was just a beautiful journey. You weren’t meant to be the young, beautiful version of yourself with purpose and power at the same time. Can you imagine that mess?”
“I’ve been depositing money in our account and nothing into our life—my family’s life. Fuck,”
“I need to prove to Lauren that she’s my whole life. That I’m present, that she’s my first priority. That she’s beautiful and sexy and intelligent—that . . .” I take a deep breath. “That I’m nothing without her.”
Crying
“If I wasn’t already married to you, I’d be figuring out how to be,” he says. “And since I already am, I’m figuring out how to stay that way.”
“If she’s the most important thing in your life, then treat her like it,” she says. “Because the fact of the matter is that she’s going to believe you when you show her how you feel. Remember that.”
“What do you need from me, Lo? Ask for it. Let me love you like you want to be loved.”
“You’re so pretty, Lo. Beautiful. Sexy. I wish you could see you the way I see you right now.”
“There’s something super sexy about a man with a book.” “Is there?” My fingers stroke his skin. “Yeah. It doesn’t matter what kind. Classics or historical dramas or books about car parts.” I laugh. “It shows that you have interests outside of yourself. That bodes well for the future.”
“You have a new freckle.” He touches the side of my nose. “Right there.” I laugh. “How would you ever know that?” “I know every freckle, mole, and scar on your body, Lo. I’ve committed every inch of you to memory.”
It’s a relief to have my friend back—my best friend. I just won’t tell Billie.
