Nothing But It All

by Adriana Locke

But when he talks about his dad or the kids, I get a glimpse of my Jack.

Where has Jack been for Lauren?

“Really, Lauren, you’re the same person the whole time. Just the same person with different experiences.

“Honestly, Lauren, marriage is hard. Well, I’m sure you know that. It’s the hardest thing you can do. The thing that got us through them was simple—we wanted to get through them. It’s amazing how far that one little thing goes.”

Is it possible that Jack didn’t mean to hurt me, just like I didn’t mean to hurt him? Are we both victims, in a sense, of our situation? Did one wrong turn into two, and before we knew it, we’d made so many wrong turns that we were now on different streets?

If I had gone when Tommy called, Lauren and I would be in the same place we were when we got here. Bitter. Angry. Complacent. Is that the problem? That I’ve become so complacent? Proud of my work, but not invested in my family? Maybe I have to be the change to facilitate the change.

I haven’t exactly offered to be a part of his world, either, and I might have if he’d asked. I’ve contributed to our toxic patterns more than I’ve realized.

“When did you start dirty talking?” he asks between kisses. “Today.” “It turns me on.” I laugh as he nibbles my bottom lip. “I’ll note that for later.”

“You can’t assume that you have anything to do with the way someone else behaves.”

I hate leaving like this. I really want to turn back and fix things with her. Explain it all. Tell her that my dad might be dying, but he’s sworn me to secrecy, and the burden of it is swallowing me already, and I’ve known for only a handful of hours.

I was terrified that this would be another communication breakdown for Jack and Lauren - thrilled when he told her sooner rather than later.

“If you live more than once, I hope I get to live them all with you.” Me too, Jack. Me too.