How to Stop Breaking Your Own Heart: Stop People-Pleasing, Set Boundaries, and Heal from Self-Sabotage

by Meggan Roxanne

Love isn’t always a guarantee, even when you think it should be – especially when it comes to family, your first community, who are naturally expected to offer unconditional love and protection.

Without intervention, the impact of our upbringing can last a lifetime, shaping our behaviors, our values, and even our emotional boundaries.

I fell in love with the potential of others and dedicated years of my life trying to ‘save’ people, which resulted in codependency and abusive scenarios. I realized I was giving more than I was receiving and, eventually, I started to learn the value of putting myself first and establishing clear boundaries.

When we feel incomplete, it’s tempting to believe that receiving love from someone else will fill that void, as if their compassion can heal us more than our own. So, we go to great lengths just to feel loved – but that’s not love; it’s dependence, and it’s not a healthy way to live.

This mindset usually stems from trauma, which causes you to carry the belief that you must attain a level of perfection to be worthy of love.

The universe doesn’t require us to be perfect; in fact, the universe itself is a living testament to the beauty that can be found in imperfection.

Trees grow to different heights, some grow crooked, others straight. The moon goes through her phases. Water is never consistent – sometimes it’s peaceful, other times it’s crashing against the rocks as if it’s having a war within. Even the sky presents us with a different masterpiece each evening. We don’t even acknowledge the anomalies; we just marvel at their existence and feel grateful to be able to witness such beauty. It’s a pity we don’t extend this sense of awe inward – I often wonder why we look at the world’s phenomena and forget to include ourselves.