How to Stop Breaking Your Own Heart: Stop People-Pleasing, Set Boundaries, and Heal from Self-Sabotage

by Meggan Roxanne

It’s affirming to see that beneath the many layers that differentiate us, whether it’s age, cultural background, or personal beliefs, we all share an emotional common ground. We all go through ups and downs, and moments of joy, as well as pain. It’s all connected and it’s beautiful.

Because the truth is, we all have the capacity to tackle any challenge that comes our way.

Through every twist and turn of my journey, I’ve learned that being open and vulnerable is the bridge to moving forward.

I make mistakes, and self-doubt still shows up occasionally – I’m only human. But what I’ve come to understand is that healing is a neverending journey. It requires the daily effort of replacing harmful coping mechanisms with healthier habits and facing the fears that come with making positive changes. The past may have its share of pain, but that doesn’t mean we can’t build meaningful lives moving forward.

I learned the transformative power of books. They can elevate your mood, change your life, and grant you access to someone else’s experience, offering you a fresh perspective on the world.

Even if you’ve strayed miles away from where you’re meant to be, just remember that you always have the power and the capability to return home to yourself.

Each one of us carries a personal story, a past that continuously influences our present.

Love isn’t always a guarantee, even when you think it should be – especially when it comes to family, your first community, who are naturally expected to offer unconditional love and protection.

Without intervention, the impact of our upbringing can last a lifetime, shaping our behaviors, our values, and even our emotional boundaries.

I fell in love with the potential of others and dedicated years of my life trying to ‘save’ people, which resulted in codependency and abusive scenarios. I realized I was giving more than I was receiving and, eventually, I started to learn the value of putting myself first and establishing clear boundaries.

When we feel incomplete, it’s tempting to believe that receiving love from someone else will fill that void, as if their compassion can heal us more than our own. So, we go to great lengths just to feel loved – but that’s not love; it’s dependence, and it’s not a healthy way to live.

That feeling of betrayal is a gentle warning from your intuition, alerting you that the choices you’re making are not in alignment with your intentions. You’re not being true to yourself and, in turn, you’re slipping into the same pattern of putting others above yourself. It’s time to stop breaking your own heart and start putting yourself first.

I was angry, but my anger was warranted. I’m the type of person who hates being kept in the dark. I need to be made aware of all the details, so I can form my own conclusions; otherwise, I’ll continually be searching for the truth.

This mindset usually stems from trauma, which causes you to carry the belief that you must attain a level of perfection to be worthy of love.

The pain of missing opportunities taught me a fundamental lesson: nobody has it all figured out. We’re all on this journey of learning, stumbling, reemerging, and growing every single day. Even the people we admire are works in progress, evolving at their own pace. It’s OK to have off days, but pretending to be the complete, finished version of yourself is not.

We will never find our true essence by emulating someone else. Because while they’re naturally living in their truth, we neglect our magic by mirroring their methods, hoping to have a life like theirs. It’s such a devastating form of self-betrayal.

When we view life as a rehearsal, it liberates us from the fear of making mistakes and instead, invites us to embrace the notion that every step or misstep that we take is part of a larger process of becoming.

The universe doesn’t require us to be perfect; in fact, the universe itself is a living testament to the beauty that can be found in imperfection.

Trees grow to different heights, some grow crooked, others straight. The moon goes through her phases. Water is never consistent – sometimes it’s peaceful, other times it’s crashing against the rocks as if it’s having a war within. Even the sky presents us with a different masterpiece each evening. We don’t even acknowledge the anomalies; we just marvel at their existence and feel grateful to be able to witness such beauty. It’s a pity we don’t extend this sense of awe inward – I often wonder why we look at the world’s phenomena and forget to include ourselves.