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July 23 - July 25, 2025
Love isn’t always a guarantee, even when you think it should be
But over time, this constant search for external validation didn’t result in me feeling happy or fulfilled. Prioritizing others over myself led to waves of emotional exhaustion, which manifested in my feeling drained and unappreciated, and further contributed to my insecurities. I fell in love with the potential of others and dedicated years of my life trying to ‘save’ people, which resulted in codependency and abusive scenarios.
It’s natural to look for community in others, but not to the detriment of ourselves. Many of us have clung to relationships that we should have let go of, looking for approval and acceptance from others, while sacrificing parts of ourselves in the process. When we feel incomplete, it’s tempting to believe that receiving love from someone else will fill that void, as if their compassion can heal us more than our own. So, we go to great lengths just to feel loved – but that’s not love; it’s dependence, and it’s not a healthy way to live.
You’re not being true to yourself and, in turn, you’re slipping into the same pattern of putting others above yourself. It’s time to stop breaking your own heart and start putting yourself first.
If you’re struggling with fear of the unknown, just keep this in mind: The only way we can reveal and heal the uncomfortable truths that lie beneath the surface is to face the fears that come with implementing positive changes in our lives. Standing in our pain is no easier than taking the steps to move ahead. The comfort zone was never intended to be a place for us to build permanent foundations.
Self-sabotage is such a common way that we break our own hearts. Self-sabotage involves behaviors that both harm us and prevent us from moving forward. It’s a form of learned behavior that we adopt due to our past traumas.
The main reason why we stray away from ourselves is because we allow ourselves to lose sight of this truth. After years of devaluing our essence, the first step to returning home to ourselves is letting go of the things that aren’t in alignment with our true nature.
It took more than a decade for me to understand that I was projecting my hopes and dreams onto others, rather than focusing on myself, because it felt easier that way. It felt easier to invest in someone else’s potential rather than confront my own.
Depending on others for our own sense of validation, staying in comfort zones that hold us back, projecting our hopes and dreams onto those around us… They might all be different, but there’s a common thread that holds them all together, and that’s lack of self-love. I honestly believe this is one of the biggest ways in which we break our own hearts, and it lies beneath so many of the destructive behaviors that prevent us from leading a better life.
Deep down, we know when we’re being mistreated. I did. Still, when we choose to remain in bad company despite its effect on us, we continue to expose ourselves to distress, frustration, and heartbreak which, ultimately, chip away at our self-worth.
That’s why we need to acknowledge the weight of imbalanced relationships and the hindering effects they have on our personal growth. If we don’t love ourselves, we’re going to end up around people who don’t love us, either.
Embrace solitude, reestablish a better relationship with your subconscious, and learn to fall in love with the magic that’s developing within.
We teach others how to treat us by what we allow. How could I blame others for feeling entitled to my time, when my own behavior consistently signaled that they were more important to me than myself?
Self-love isn’t selfish. When you cultivate love and respect for yourself, the people in your life will treat you accordingly, because you’re leading by example.
Remember that we’re under no obligation to have it all together all the time. Nobody made that rule up, so give yourself a break.
In this hyper-connected world, where we’re judged by the number of followers we have on social media, it’s easy to devalue solitude. Choosing solitude is a power, not a weakness.
We’ve all heard those stories of people who’ve spent years, if not decades, with someone they’re not equally yoked with, only to have an epiphany at a later stage, when they finally realize, Oh my god, I’ve been a host to this parasite for most of my life. And yes, I know ‘parasite’ is such a terrible word to use to refer to somebody, but when a relationship depletes your energy, sucks the best years out of you, and leaves you standing in front of the mirror looking visibly drained, what else can we call it?
Healthy relationships don’t demand you shrink or dim your light for the other person to feel validated, superior, or comfortable. Healthy relationships don’t require you to ignore your own needs, or to bury your desires or passions. Healthy relationships don’t leave you feeling inadequate.
Bending over backward eventually causes our backs to break. I’ve come to understand that a healthy relationship relies on open communication, honesty, and a balanced exchange of love and care. We have a duty to take care of and protect ourselves. So, if we’ve finally woken up to the red flags we’ve been ignoring and realized that we’ve invested in the wrong person, then that’s a moment for applause, not one for self-criticism. We’ve already paid a heavy price for settling for a love that isn’t good enough, with the time that has already been spent.
It’s OK, and completely valid, to mourn the time you lost in an unhealthy relationship. However, it’s not productive to let that grief become a self-destructive force that drags you down even further.
The important thing is that you recognize and honor this realization, and don’t prolong the process of growing apart from people. It’s not healthy to cling onto a bond that’s naturally coming to an end. Acceptance is key. At some point, we must understand that not everyone is meant to stay in our lives forever. Some people are in our lives for a season, and then the relationship gently fades as you both grow apart. It’s natural.
Life is far too short and precious to waste time justifying the actions of those who don’t have our best interests at heart.
How often have you been in a similar situation? You find yourself in a moment where every fiber of your being is telling you to speak up for yourself, to claim your space, and make your voice heard. Yet, despite your internal cries, you’re overtaken, succumb to self-doubt, and silence yourself instead?
When we choose to silence our voice and bury these negative, uncomfortable feelings, they don’t simply disappear – they begin to fester within.
No matter the circumstances, dodging our problems is not an effective method for managing our difficult moments.
Furthermore, when we hold our emotions back, we’re not just keeping quiet; we’re actively undermining our own sense of balance and peace. In doing so, we grant our anxieties more territory in our minds, allowing them to fester and expand into something that will be harder to remove.
We experience internal conflict and pain because we’re being called to evolve and shift our approach to certain patterns in our life. Only we can make this change through bringing our internal conflicts out into the open.
Sometimes, I’m shocked by the cruelty of my inner voice’s words. I often wonder, Who does this voice belong to? Why has it found refuge in my mind? I believe this is a shared experience for many, even if it’s something we rarely discuss with others.
When we allow ourselves to be guided by a voice that intentionally echoes our doubts and fears, unconsciously, we create a pattern of undermining ourselves and our daily efforts.
We often overlook the blessing of waking up to a new day, a gift that, unfortunately, not everyone receives. You can wake up in the morning with no guarantee of seeing the end of the day and you can fall asleep at night with no guarantee of waking up in the morning. Yet, in our digitally saturated lives, many of us rob this moment of its beauty.
It’s essential for our mental health to carve out time each day to pause and be present, to ground ourselves in the here and now.
Applying a boundary is not an act of unkindness. I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating: Our boundaries are designed to protect us from unsafe habits and environments, they are not an attack on the other person. Unconditional love is not synonymous with unconditional tolerance. Asserting your boundaries doesn’t diminish the love you have in your heart for someone; you can love them to the moon and back – but in a healthier manner.
It showed me how forgiveness can liberate not just the person you’re forgiving, but also settle the emotional turmoil inside the person that forgives.
We can accept that we’re afraid of change, and through that acceptance, we can begin to welcome it.
