Openly Straight

by Bill Konigsberg

So it wasn’t like I was sitting up there and I had this epiphany: Wow! I’m gay! I had known that for a long time. I guess if there was an epiphany, it was like, I’ve got a feeling, and no one else knows about it. Maybe I should tell Mom and Dad.

My hope is that in the future all parents can be attuned and nurturing enough with their kids so that when they experience new unfamiliar feelings and situations, the parents are the folks who a confused child can turn to.

She took me by the hand and led me to the couch, and then we sat there and didn’t say much for a while. “We didn’t do that much.” She didn’t react. I realized that she hadn’t asked. “It was weird,” I said, staring off into space. “How do you mean?” “I thought I’d feel, like, very adult after. I don’t.” “How do you feel?” “I don’t know. Let down.” She gave me her sympathetic look, and I felt tears welling in my eyes. I didn’t want to cry but part of me needed to, and I wasn’t exactly sure why. “His mom teaches Jazzercise.” She looked at me and raised an eyebrow, as if to say, What am I supposed to do with this information? “Thank you!” I said. “Exactly. He tells me random, weird things. We haven’t ever had a normal conversation. He never asks me anything.” “Perhaps he’s autistic?” I shrugged.

The dry humor of perhaps he's autistic killed me lol

“Why can’t I just be bad?” I asked, figuring my mom would have no idea what I was talking about. “Well, that’s easy, sweetie. You can be anything you want, but when you go against who you are inside, it doesn’t feel good.”

Maybe it's just that simple? To me, being "bad" usually doesn't feel overall good.