A Lady of Conscience (Somerset Stories, #5)

by Mimi Matthews

“You’re very sweet to worry, Mama, but you have no cause to. Whatever happens this season, I can promise you that Lord St. Clare is the last gentleman on earth I should ever choose to marry.”

Lol, famous last words...

“You’re refusing me?” Hannah’s stomach quivered. Good gracious, she was, wasn’t she? “I believe I must.” “Why must you?” “I don’t belong in your world, sir.” “I should think that I am the best judge of that.” “And you have indeed judged it so. You admit yourself that you’ve struggled. That you’ve had misgivings.” “Not about your character, or about the basic suitability—the admiration that I—” He broke off, seeming to collect himself. A muscle pulsed in his cheek. “My doubts have been confined to your ability to move in fashionable society. Part of my life must naturally be in town. Your shyness won’t serve you there. You will have to develop confidence to succeed in London.” “I don’t wish to move in London society.” “I shall guide you,” he assured her. “I’m confident you’ll rise to the challenge.” “Guide me,” she repeated. “It worked well for us when we danced together.” Hannah shook her head. She recognized his intentions were well meant. Even so, he didn’t understand. “Marriage isn’t a waltz,” she said. “It’s a partnership. I don’t desire to be led. And I don’t desire to change into something I’m not. When I marry, it will be to a gentleman who values me as I am.”

“I refused him.” Papa’s expression was solemn. “I had anticipated that as well.” “I fear I hurt him.” “He’ll recover.” “You didn’t see his face.” Hannah recalled the way James had looked after he’d risen from the sofa. “He made himself vulnerable to me and I injured his pride.” Her father rubbed her back. “You’ve done him a service,” he said. “Some men benefit from being knocked down a peg. It’s character building.”

“I don’t believe love is ever a burden.” She paused, adding, “And it is necessary for me. When I marry, it will only be for love.” James’s face was inscrutable. “And you don’t love me, of course.” Heat flooded her cheeks. She could summon no reply. She hadn’t anticipated him being so blunt. “However, you did admit to liking me very much,” he said. “Was that true?” “Yes.” She did like him. Rather too much, all things considered. He wasn’t at all right for her, no matter that he was the only gentleman of her acquaintance to make her heart beat so swiftly. “A strong liking might grow into love, given adequate inducement,” he said. “I expect it could, but…” “But?” “I would think it unlikely in this case. We are too different. We want different things of life.” “I want you,” he said.

“Have you always been so adept at keeping your countenance?” she asked. “Were you never…” “What?” “Less strategic?” His eyes found hers as he drove. “It’s difficult to dispense with strategy when I want something as much as I want you.”

“Would you require looking after?” “No, but…perchance I would be lonely.” “Is that what you’re afraid of?” “I’m not afraid. I’m attempting to be realistic. Even the best husband cannot be with his wife always. She must necessarily take charge of her own sphere—the household, entertaining, appearing at society events and…and…” James’s fingers closed around hers, holding her hand safe in his. His voice deepened. “If you were mine, you would be my first and best concern. I would in all things endeavor to make you happy.”

“Bloody hell,” James muttered under his breath as the smallest kitten scratched his face. A line of blood welled across his cheek. “Oh, do have a care!” Hannah hurried toward him, opening her shawl. “Put them in here with their brother before they tear you to ribbons.” “I’m all right,” James said. He gently pried the kittens from his waistcoat, placing them into her shawl one at a time, even as a droplet of blood slid down his jaw untended. “Poor mites. They’re frightened, that’s all.” Hannah’s heart thumped heavily as she gazed up at him. Whatever doubt she’d had about their future together slipped away. And just like that, standing there in Victoria Park, a bundle of squirming kittens clutched to her breast, she fell all of the way in love with him.