It reminds me of when I first met God, so young and fresh and vulnerable at the age of twenty-one. It was always about wonder and relationship, then. I met Jesus, fell in love, decided to commit. But after a few years I felt catfished. As if the person who gave me that wonder never existed at all, and was just a mask for a bunch of desperate men, setting a trap to appease their desire for control. I made so many decisions attempting to get that wonder back, as if it were being withheld from me until I fulfilled the true picture of a Christian woman. I married Lucas. I quit my arts degree and
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