Ugly Love

by Colleen Hoover

It’s just a matter of time. I want to text Ian and tell him she isn’t hot. I want to tell him she’s volcanic, but he would laugh at that. Instead, I discreetly take a picture of her from where I’m seated. I send the picture in a message to Ian that says, “She’s gonna have all my babies.”

“Good. Good,” he says, repeating the word twice as if it could make things better. No. Bad. Bad.

I look back at Rachel. Rachel looks at me. I can’t fall in love with you, Rachel. Her eyes are sad. My thoughts are sadder. And you can’t fall in love with me. She slowly walks inside, avoiding my gaze as she watches her feet with each step. They’re the saddest steps I’ve ever seen taken. I close the door. It’s the saddest door I’ve ever had to close.

I’m stuck to the wall. I think I’ll be here forever. I’m wallpaper now. That’s it. That’s all I am.

He doesn’t kiss me back right away, because he doesn’t know what to think about what just happened. His mouth catches up pretty quickly, though. I think he hated my clipped response as much as I hated his, and now he’s using his hands to get his own revenge. I can’t tell where he’s touching me, because as soon as he touches me in one spot, his hands move to another. He’s touching me everywhere, nowhere, not at all, all at once.

“We can go slow,” he says. “It doesn’t have to be tonight. That wasn’t one of the rules.” I laugh, but I also shake my head. “No, it’s fine. You’re leaving in a few hours and won’t be back for, what, five days?” “Nine this time,” he says. I hate that number.

He shakes his head and pulls his fist against his mouth, biting his knuckles. He turns around until his back is to me and takes a long, deep breath. He faces me again, scrolling up the length of my body until he meets my eyes. “It’s too much, Tate.”

Miles smiles For no one else Miles only smiles For me. “Why are you grinning?” he asks. Because I’m reciting embarrassing third-grade-level rhymes about you.

“There’s no way I was the louder one,” he says with his lips still touching mine. “If anything, we tied.” I shake my head. “I don’t believe in ending things with a tie. That’s a copout for people who are too scared they might lose.”

Dillon looks at me and winks. “What you doing, Tate?” “Washing elephants,” I say with a straight face. Dillon shoots me a confused look, not at all understanding my random response. “If you don’t want a sarcastic answer,” Cap says to him, “don’t ask a stupid question.” The elevator doors open, and Dillon rolls his eyes at both of us before walking onto the elevator. Cap cuts his eyes to mine, and he grins. He holds a palm up in the air, and I high-five him.