“Look, there’s even a little owl, to symbolize that all your ancestors are giant nerds too. Which is ironic because did you know owls are actually the himbos of the raptor world? I had a torrid affair with a chick who works the eagle exhibit at the Bronx Zoo. She said owls are apex predators, so they don’t actually need intelligence to survive, which is why you almost never see a trained owl. It’s like trying to train a panda. There’s just not enough gray matter per metric ounce of snuggle.”
