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But just know, every moment I’m with you… is fireworks over the ocean.”
“Because I fucking love you!” he shouts in my face, and I falter. “I’ve loved you since the second I saw you, and I don’t understand it! I don’t want to feel this shit… This twisted up ball of need in my chest like fucking disease. I don’t even know if it really is love, that’s how fucked up I am. I never knew what this felt like… until you.”
“Because I want to do everything in my power to make you happy… even when you hate me and refuse to look at me. I want to be next to you all the time… Just breathing the same air as you. I want to hold your hand and kiss your neck, and I want you to want me to… more than I’ve ever wanted anything. I feel like I could slaughter anyone who causes you pain, including myself. It’s so unbearably fucked up, but I would open a vein and bleed just to make you smile… That has to mean I’m in love with you… Right?”
“It doesn’t matter if I’ve never felt it before. In my soul, I know what this is… I’m desperately in love with you, Lexington, and I never won’t be. Believe me, I’ve tried. Even if it tears us both to shreds… I’m so sorry, baby, but I can’t stop. As long as I’m breathing, I won’t ever stop feeling the way I feel about you. In crazy, fierce, burning fucking love.”
“You’re insane,” I whisper, blinking baffled, awestruck eyes at him. He nods. “No, like, I think you might be certifiable, Ren. You’re so fucking needy, and obsessive, and manipulative…”
“You’re my weakness, Lex. You, just the way you are… my goddamn kryptonite.”
“No, but seriously… it’s all you, baby. I always knew it would feel like this with you.” “Like what?” I kiss his jawline. “Fireworks,” he sighs, and I grin. “Over the ocean?” He chuckles. “Mmm… the best kind.”
I’m in love with you, regardless. No matter what happens, Ren, I don’t think I’ll ever stop.”
My poor, beautiful, broken man… the first man I’ve ever loved. The first person I’ve ever loved, in any real romantic way.
After everything we’ve been through, nearly five years of angst and tension, codependence, and obsession, and a lust that somehow turned into a fully debilitating love, we’re finally to a place where we know exactly what we mean to each other. We’re finally in a relationship, despite how unhealthy it might be at times.
