Under Your Scars (Under Your Scars, #1)

by Ariel N. Anderson

“I don’t want to kill you, angel. I want to keep you all to myself. You’d better take off those rose-colored glasses and accept that the only place you belong is in my black heart.”

I can see it in his eyes that he’s gone blind with rage. It’s terrifying and exhilarating all at the same time, to see him so unhinged over something that happened to me.

“They need to know what happens when they touch what’s mine, Elena. They’re going to convert religions, because they won’t be praying to God, they’ll be praying to me. Begging for my fucking mercy after I hunt them all down and show them the true meaning of fear.”

“I don’t want to be the reason you lose your humanity.” He rubs my bottom lip with his gloved hand. “If you’re so concerned about my humanity, Elena, then reach into my soul and find it, because I’m not sure I have any left.”

The scales are doubled up on the most vulnerable parts of me. My heart. My spine. My dick. All the important things.

Even with my voice dripping in venom, her name tastes so sweet on my tongue.

After I chug my third cup of coffee, I’m certain my ability to be a functioning human being does not exist anymore.

I see more than you think I do. He said that to me the first time I was in his office, and I foolishly thought he was talking about the city. I didn’t realize he was committing tiny details about me to memory.

She tugs me closer and cups her hand around my ear as if to tell me a secret, and she very loudly whispers, “Mr. Reeves thinks you’re pretty too, ‘cause he won’t stop looking at you.”

“And

Elena?” “What?” I ask—no I plead for him

want, God, please just taste me.”

For the past three decades, all I’ve done is focus on the past. You are the only thing in my life that’s ever made me consider the future.

“And now I’ve got a whole section of my brain dedicated solely to you, and I think about more than just the next day. I see next week. I see next month. I see next year. I see you in every possible version of my future.”

I need to love her so violently that it breaks her, and then fill in all those cracks with gold until the only thing holding her together is me.

“I think if two people are meant to be together, then they will be. I don’t know if that makes them soulmates though. I feel like a soulmate implies some sort of…divine intervention. I think the best love stories come from the people who say that love came out of nowhere for them, not from the people who were looking for love in the first place.”

“Ellie, if you don’t think I’m going to spoil you rotten you are sorely mistaken.”

“Our world,” he corrects quickly after I finish. “Our world, Elena. There isn’t a you and me anymore. It’s us. You’re worried about not measuring up, but there’s no competition. Don’t compare yourself to women that don’t exist. We’re together now, nothing else matters. I know it’s easier said than done but try to let go a little bit and have some fun. This is a different life than you’re used to, and I get that, but it’s your life now too. You don’t have to feel bad about enjoying it.”

the keys. I know how it must look. I’m in a mini-skirt and a crop top. He thinks I’m

“You’re not just some obsession I picked up out of boredom. You’re my life essence. The air in my lungs. The beating heart in my chest.” Goosebumps erupt over my skin as our hands trace over my stomach. “You are my everything. Mind. Body. Soul. I fucking love you, Elena, and you will love me back. I don’t care if I have to destroy you in the process.”

“Do you believe in God?” I ask. He nods, and I laugh. “Look at me. Look at me. I’m your God now. Do you want to know why? Because I’m the only motherfucker on this planet that can show you mercy. Start praying. You’ll need it.”

Love makes people blind. It makes us blind, and selfish, and stupid.”

I made you a goddess, Elena, and I worship you. You are my religion and my whole life is dedicated to loving you. That’s what the most loyal disciples do, right? Dedicate their lives to their divine savior.

I would do anything for you. If you ask me to move the sun out of your eyes, I will push it with my bare hands. If you ask me for the moon, I will wrap it in a purple ribbon and hand it to you. If you ask me for all the stars in the sky, I will create an entire galaxy, just for you.

“Listen to me,” I plead. “I love you. I will love you forever. Even when we’re nothing but bones in the ground, I will find you in the afterlife and cherish you like I always have. I will hold you and kiss you and fall asleep with you wrapped in my arms. I will spoil you and give you a wedding ring with my last name to match. I will buy you yachts and islands and mansions all over the world so you can feel safe. I will do all of this even if you fight me because you know better than anyone that boundaries have never stopped me. One day, only when you’re ready, I will fill you with my love again, and I promise I will do it so thoroughly you will forget all that pain you went through for me. You’ll forget about the secrets and the lies and how betrayed you felt when you found out the truth. I will chase away all your demons because you know I’m scarier than they’ll ever be. I’ll do everything for you until the only thing you know how to do is love me back.”

Safe isn’t a place. It’s the people that love you.

“What if I want you to break me?” I ask, my eyes not leaving his. “What if I don’t want you to be gentle?” “Then I’ll love you violently instead.”

“I love you.” I say through gritted teeth, her hair wrapped tight around my fist. “I love you so much it makes me insane. I love you so much it makes me dangerous. I love you so much that I would burn this world for you and all the people in it just to keep you all to myself. Do you understand me? If it comes down to a choice, you will choose me. I don’t give a fuck if it costs the remainder of your soul. You are mine and only mine.”

She really is the embodiment of simple elegance. She doesn’t turn heads because she’s beautiful, she turns heads because she’s regal and sophisticated. She’s the exact opposite of me. The real me, at least. I can put on a suit and fake the charm all day long. But take off the suit and strip away the smile, and what’s left? A savage. A savage beast that fell in love with an elegant beauty that I will never be worthy of. I could give her the entire world and everything in it and it still wouldn’t be enough.

“When I told you that you made me believe in soulmates, I didn’t just mean in this lifetime, or even in this universe. My heart has always belonged to you, even if I didn’t know it at first. I would love you even if I had no heart to give you, because you are the sole reason for my existence. My soul would love you if we lived on different continents and spoke different languages. My soul would be tethered to you across oceans and mountains and harrowing canyons as black as my heart. My soul would be yours if I pulled the trigger the night we met, because not even death could keep us apart. God couldn’t keep me from you, because God isn’t real, but you are, and that’s all the motivation I would have needed to find you.”

She hands back the ring. “You’d start a war for love?” “For Elena? I wouldn’t just start a war. I’d win it.”

For the first time, I regret nearly ending my life. I almost missed out on the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

“I love you. I love every piece of you. Even the parts I shouldn’t love. Even the parts of you that have unraveled all the parts of me. Especially the terrifying parts that you’ve tangled into my soul.”

I’ve fallen in love with the most unlovable, virulent, tragic parts of him. And I’ve decided I love the taste of poison.

That’s how every man wants to go. In between the legs of his lover.