Under Your Scars (Under Your Scars, #1)

by Ariel N. Anderson

“Until next time, Elena.” Oh yeah, I’m definitely going to imagine him saying my name like that with my vibrator against my clit tonight.

“I don’t want to kill you, angel. I want to keep you all to myself. You’d better take off those rose-colored glasses and accept that the only place you belong is in my black heart.”

“If you’re so concerned about my humanity, Elena, then reach into my soul and find it, because I’m not sure I have any left.”

“Beg for it, Elena.” My eyes snap open and I look at him with defiance. “That costs extra.”

“I’ve got all the money in the world. Now beg.”

“I will never, ever deny you anything. I don’t give a fuck how much it costs. You can buy the entire Chanel catalog and I wouldn’t bat an eye. Actually, please do that. My cock is already getting hard again thinking about you spending all my money.”

A DREAM

“Open your mouth, Elena,” I command. She doesn’t listen. I use my fingers to roughly press her cheeks together and then I take a long swig of the leftover tequila. I lean over her and then let the alcohol fall from my mouth into hers in one continuous stream and then force her lips shut. “Swallow.” She has no choice, and she does, earning sweet praises from me. “Good girl.”

“You had everything.” I punch him again. My hands flair off my head in a ‘mind blown’ gesture. “She was wrapped around your fucking finger and all you had to do was keep her happy! You can’t even do that right. This is why I fucking hate you.”

Time freezes as we stare at each other, and my heart flutters when the corners of his mouth quirk into a smile, before his face hardens with nerves. “I am painfully, catastrophically in love with you.”

“I love you,” he whispers against my lips. It doesn’t feel like a declaration this time, but rather, a desperate attempt to get me to say it back. Because that’s what you do when someone says they love you. You say it back. But I can’t. I can’t, and I think he and I both realize it in horror at the same time, because something in his face changes. There’s something brutally betrayed in the unique icy blue of his eyes.

“I had the gun to my head. I had my finger on the trigger, and I was about to pull it. The bad thing, Elena…is that the only reason I stopped was because I heard you screaming for help.” His voice cracks as a violent sob wrecks through him. “That’s why I call you angel. Because you saved my life.”

Don’t ask me to live without you. I won’t survive.” “You survived before we met.” “I had a fucking gun to my head!” I shout, causing her to sink into the covers. I growl to myself. “I had my finger on the fucking trigger. If you started screaming a femtosecond later, I would have already blown my brains out.” My voice cracks. “If I don’t have you, then I have nothing. I am nothing. So if that’s really what you want, angel,” I pull my gun from the back of my pants and hold it to my temple, “then let me pull the trigger this time.”

“He’s my only family. He may not be my blood, but he is my son and I love him. Do you understand, Elena? Love makes people blind. It makes us blind, and selfish, and stupid.”

“Listen to me,” I plead. “I love you. I will love you forever. Even when we’re nothing but bones in the ground, I will find you in the afterlife and cherish you like I always have. I will hold you and kiss you and fall asleep with you wrapped in my arms. I will spoil you and give you a wedding ring with my last name to match. I will buy you yachts and islands and mansions all over the world so you can feel safe. I will do all of this even if you fight me because you know better than anyone that boundaries have never stopped me. One day, only when you’re ready, I will fill you with my love again, and I promise I will do it so thoroughly you will forget all that pain you went through for me. You’ll forget about the secrets and the lies and how betrayed you felt when you found out the truth. I will chase away all your demons because you know I’m scarier than they’ll ever be. I’ll do everything for you until the only thing you know how to do is love me back.” I take a deep breath and wipe away her sorrow with my thumbs. “But I can’t do any of that if you leave me, Elena, so I am begging you to stay.”

Safe isn’t a place. It’s the people that love you.

“What if I want you to break me?” I ask, my eyes not leaving his. “What if I don’t want you to be gentle?” “Then I’ll love you violently instead.”

“He has done more for me than you could ever possibly know. Can you not, just for once in my life, be supportive of a decision I made for myself? You didn’t support my choice to go to law school, and you supported it even less when I got into Meridian Law and moved. Now you aren’t supporting me when I’m telling you I’m in love with a man who would move the sun with his bare hands if it meant giving me a little shade.”

“Not as good as you, angel. You look spectacular. Especially your makeup.” I nip at her ear. “That blush matches the exact color of your chest when my tongue is inside you.”

“No,” I say. “It means I’m in charge.” And then I lick along the length of him, still clothed. He lets out a guttural, ferocious grunt, and trembles beneath my tongue. He looks down at me, bright red and completely embarrassed. Because I made him cum in his pants.

“I have bad news for you, Bethany. I am not a good man. Please don’t get it in your head that I am. I love Elena and I would do absolutely anything for her. Anything. That makes me the worst kind of man. Love is the most volatile poison in the universe. I’m not a saint by any stretch of the imagination, but I make you a promise on my life, that Elena will always be safe with me, even if it costs me everything in the end.”

Elena is fortunate that she has two men that love her with all their hearts, It’s also incredibly unfortunate that we’re both delusional bastards.

Elliot walks into the room, and the world goes quiet as he stares me down with his wife and daughter snuggled up in my arms. Just to get back at him for nailing me in the face, I wink at him, and subtly give him two middle fingers.

I use my thumb to point behind me. “Want to learn how?” She narrows her eyes at me, revealing her manicured fingers from her sweater paws. “Do these hands look like they were made for manual labor?” I chuckle. “Spoiled brat.”

“Hey Gav?” His eyes flicker up to mine. “Do you remember what you said to me in the gym after I was shot? About how if anything happened to Elena, I’d do far worse than fire you?” His face turns three shades paler as I crack my neck and point my gun at his forehead. “Consider yourself lucky that I’m making it quick.”

UGH NOT GAVIN

“I think that’s the harsh reality of being a woman,” my mother continues, “we’re always so focused on everyone else, that we forget we need to take care of ourselves, too.”

Elliot pulls away from her, holding her cheeks in his hands and giving her a sad smile. “I’m so sorry,” he whispers. “I didn’t realize until this very moment that killing him won’t save you.” The gulps. “The only way I can save you is by letting you go.”

“How’s this for misery?” He reaches for the gun Elena dropped, and before I have a chance to comprehend what he’s doing, he places it at her temple. And he pulls the trigger.

WHAT THE FUCK

“Mommy said there would be pancakes.” My entire chest feels like it’s being stabbed over and over again. With every beat of my heart, it only prolongs the pain. I look back down at Elena before glancing back over my shoulder. “Okay, baby. Just…turn around and count to one hundred, and I’ll get you some pancakes, okay?” “But daddy, I don’t know how to count to one hundred.” “That’s okay, babygirl, just turn around and count as high as you can.” I’ve been hanging on by a thread named Elena, and now she’s gone. I hold my angel to my chest and wait for Caroline to reach ten before I put the gun to my head. And like I was always meant to, I pull the trigger.