Under Your Scars (Under Your Scars, #1)

by Ariel N. Anderson

“Everything that happens to you is a big deal. Say the word, and I’ll take care of him.” “No! God, what is wrong with you? Neil Hayden being a dickhead isn’t grounds for murder.” He lets out an amused huff and I think if he didn’t have that mask covering his face, I’d see a sinister smile painted across his lips. “Well, you’re no fun at all, angel.”

I’m not a violent person, but I’d pay good money to have someone knock out his front teeth or hit him in his bald head.

I’m not even sure why he hates me. I’m not totally incompetent when it comes to my duties here. My best guess is it’s because I’m not fun to look at. I’ve got as much curve as a two by four, and the sex appeal of a plastic bag.

“Mr. Hayden, her name is Elena. I have never slept with her. If that implication ever leaves your mouth, or this room, or you so much as think it again, I will shove a lawsuit so far up your ass you’ll be able to taste paper. You will rehire her, and if you retaliate in any way, I will know, and you will regret it. Is this in any way unclear?”

“Until next time, Elena.” Oh yeah, I’m definitely going to imagine him saying my name like that with my vibrator against my clit tonight.

“It means that I’m going to make you want me as bad as I want you. I’m going to make you fantasize about how it feels to have my fingers in your greedy little cunt. I’m going to make you beg for my tongue against your clit. I’m going to make you so wet and needy for me that you’ll do anything to get me to relieve that hot, achy feeling inside you. Once you admit you want me, that’s when I’ll show my appreciation. With every part of me. On every part of you.”

“It’s in case you ever need help,” he explains. I lift the chain to examine it. “The charm attached is a silent panic alarm. You turn it on by clicking it five times. You’ll feel it vibrate, and it will send me an alert with your exact location. If you press it, I’ll come. No matter what.”

“I don’t want to kill you, angel. I want to keep you all to myself. You’d better take off those rose-colored glasses and accept that the only place you belong is in my black heart.”

“If you’re so concerned about my humanity, Elena, then reach into my soul and find it, because I’m not sure I have any left.”

Eight. I’ve given him eight souls since September sixth. It should have only been one. It should have only been me.

“Hi Caroline. I like your bow. Purple is my favorite color.” “Mine too!” she excitedly squeals. She looks at Christian and then back at me and gives me an adorable, toothy grin. “You’re pretty. Are you Mrs. Reeves?” I clear my throat uncomfortably with a nervous flush pooling in my cheeks. “Thank you, sweetie, but no, I’m not Mrs. Reeves. My name’s Elena.” She tugs me closer and cups her hand around my ear as if to tell me a secret, and she very loudly whispers, “Mr. Reeves thinks you’re pretty too, ‘cause he won’t stop looking at you.”

“Ellie, if you don’t think I’m going to spoil you rotten you are sorely mistaken.”

After I take care of my business, I wash my hands and the restroom attendant hands me a warm towel to dry them with. I don’t understand why rich people are okay with having someone listen to them pee. It’s wildly uncomfortable.

sometimes I think about stealing the hazelnut creamer from the office because I can’t afford my own, but I’m always afraid that if I do, you’ll go bankrupt and it will be my fault, and I’d go to jail over coffee creamer.”

“Hey,” she says quietly. “You’d do anything for me, right?” “Anything, baby,” I repeat with certainty. “Will you punch Christian Reeves? I’d do it myself, but I don’t think I can reach. You’re at perfect punching height.” My chest vibrates with laughter. “Sure thing, angel.”

It’s a shame I’m already destined for Hell, because it’s not where angels belong. But I’m not going anywhere without her.

“I can only imagine the headlines that will emerge once it gets out that you’re getting on your private jet with some woman.” “Some woman?” Christian emphasizes, hitting the brakes so hard I jerk forward violently in my seat. “Elena, you listen to me. Don’t you ever refer to yourself as ‘some woman’ again. You are the only woman I have eyes for. You are the only woman I’ve ever considered sharing my life with. I knew from the second I met you that I wanted to make you mine forever. You are everything to me.” I sit in my seat and stare at him, wide-eyed with my mouth hanging open in shock. Everything he just said feels like it came straight from his heart without a filter, and I really don’t know what to say or do except look at him.

He uses a walker, and it takes him about half a century to get from his bed to his bedroom door, but the last time I tried to get him a wheelchair he threw his dentures at me. Took them right out of his mouth and hit me in the forehead with them.

I’m an only child in a giant mansion with nothing better to do than get into trouble. I know all the best hiding places in the house. That means I hear things I shouldn’t. Like how Edwin like like’s Judith, my governess, but Judith says Edwin kisses like a chicken. That made me laugh so hard that chocolate milk came out of my nose, and almost gave away my hiding spot inside the cabinets where daddy keeps the cigarettes he hides from mommy.

Safe isn’t a place. It’s the people that love you.

Christian grins. “I didn’t propose. I just wanted you to have it.” “You wanted me to have my engagement ring before we’re engaged?” I raise an eyebrow in suspicion. “Yes.” “If I know anything about you, it’s that you don’t do anything without some ulterior motive, so spill.” “I just wanted you to have a symbol that you’re mine. Figured an eleven-carat purple diamond delivers the message sufficiently.”

“What if I want you to break me?” I ask, my eyes not leaving his. “What if I don’t want you to be gentle?” “Then I’ll love you violently instead.”

“I love you.” I say through gritted teeth, her hair wrapped tight around my fist. “I love you so much it makes me insane. I love you so much it makes me dangerous. I love you so much that I would burn this world for you and all the people in it just to keep you all to myself. Do you understand me? If it comes down to a choice, you will choose me. I don’t give a fuck if it costs the remainder of your soul. You are mine and only mine.”

“Do you know why I cut myself?” she asks, though she doesn’t wait for my answer. “Because I wanted to be in control again. I wanted to be in control of my body, and I wanted to be in control of when and where I felt pain.” Control. The thing she lost when she was raped. The control of her emotions, the control of her reaction to touch.

“That’s because I’m thoroughly pussy-whipped for you.” I can’t help the giggle that escapes my lips. “What’s so funny, Elena Reeves?” “Nothing. You just admitted I wear the pants in this relationship, is all.”

Elliot walks into the room, and the world goes quiet as he stares me down with his wife and daughter snuggled up in my arms. Just to get back at him for nailing me in the face, I wink at him, and subtly give him two middle fingers.

Inside, a 5,000-piece puzzle that’s completely white, making it extra challenging. Edwin’s face lights up like the star on top of the tree. He shoves the pitiful attempt at a gingerbread house to the floor. It lands with a ‘plop’, and he immediately dumps out all 5,000 pieces of the puzzle and gets to work, exclaiming proudly that he'll finish it by New Years and starts giggling like old people do until he gives himself a coughing fit.

Miss Kelly says that in two days there will be a hearing for me, but I said that’s silly, because my ears work just fine.

He hates baths. Not just because I have to bathe him, though he hates that too because it’s just another thing that makes him feel worthless. He just hates baths in general. He finds them distasteful, which is a bit hypocritical of him considering he has the largest bathtub on the East Coast.

My father and I haven’t spoken in months. I called him to tell him that Christian and I were getting married by the court in January. I invited him, along with my mother and Travis and Justin, to be witnesses with Edwin. My father was the only one who didn’t show up. It broke my heart so badly I almost couldn’t go through with it. My mother was the one who got me to appear for my own ceremony. Don’t cry over something he will grow to regret. You’re getting married for you, not him.

God help the man who took Elena, because she belongs to only one psychopath. Me.