Under Your Scars (Under Your Scars, #1)

by Ariel N. Anderson

The way this man just said my name was pure sex. I take one small step backwards to try and relieve some of the tension that’s pooling between my legs. What I wouldn’t give to have him say my name like that again. Like it’s the prettiest sound in the world. Like it’s coated in sugar and dripping with honey, and he’s got a massive sweet tooth.

“The way he spoke about you made me want to throw him off the roof.” “I don’t understand why you’d do something like that for a nobody like me.” His answer is immediate, like it’s been rehearsed. “You’re so much more than a nobody, Elena.”

His fingers sensually trace my neck and the collar of my shirt, coming to rest along my throat like a necklace. He squeezes so gently, just enough to quicken my heartbeat but not enough to steal my breath. “I don’t want to kill you, angel. I want to keep you all to myself. You’d better take off those rose-colored glasses and accept that the only place you belong is in my black heart.”

“They need to know what happens when they touch what’s mine, Elena. They’re going to convert religions, because they won’t be praying to God, they’ll be praying to me. Begging for my fucking mercy after I hunt them all down and show them the true meaning of fear.”

“I don’t want to be the reason you lose your humanity.” He rubs my bottom lip with his gloved hand. “If you’re so concerned about my humanity, Elena, then reach into my soul and find it, because I’m not sure I have any left.”

“You’re pretty. Are you Mrs. Reeves?” I clear my throat uncomfortably with a nervous flush pooling in my cheeks. “Thank you, sweetie, but no, I’m not Mrs. Reeves. My name’s Elena.” She tugs me closer and cups her hand around my ear as if to tell me a secret, and she very loudly whispers, “Mr. Reeves thinks you’re pretty too, ‘cause he won’t stop looking at you.”

Christian Reeves doesn’t know how fucking lucky he is to have Elena and all of her affections. Yes, he’s charming and hot and rich and blah, blah, blah. But he doesn’t deserve her and it’s not fucking fair that he gets to have her, and I don’t. I don’t deserve her either, but that’s beside the point. She’s mine. I don’t have to deserve her for her to belong to me.

I need to love her so violently that it breaks her, and then fill in all those cracks with gold until the only thing holding her together is me.

“Do you believe in soulmates, Elena?” I think about it for a long time. Do I? Everyone wants to believe they exist. Everyone wants to believe that there’s someone out there that was always meant to love them. “I think if two people are meant to be together, then they will be. I don’t know if that makes them soulmates though. I feel like a soulmate implies some sort of…divine intervention. I think the best love stories come from the people who say that love came out of nowhere for them, not from the people who were looking for love in the first place.” I squeeze his hand in mine. “Do you believe in soulmates?” The corner of his mouth tilts into a smile. “Not until I found you.”

It’s a shame I’m already destined for Hell, because it’s not where angels belong. But I’m not going anywhere without her.

I can feel my eyes sparkling from just how wonderful it is to know he commits all those seemingly unimportant details to memory. “I see more than you think I do,” he adds, and a stray tear falls from my cheek. I nod and wipe my face. “Do I at least look cute when I crinkle my nose?” “Fucking adorable,” he confirms.

Then I met you, and falling in love was like some nuclear catalyst inside me. I’ve been consumed by it—by you. I can’t think about anything else except how much I want you to be mine to love, forever.” He takes a deep breath. “I mean that in the kind of way that’s going to suffocate you one day but I can’t stop. I can’t fucking stop. I won’t be satisfied until I am every part of your existence as you are mine.”

“You told me you believe in soulmates.” “Because of you.” “Then that means I’m destined to love you no matter what, even if it’s not right now.”

“You’re not just some obsession I picked up out of boredom. You’re my life essence. The air in my lungs. The beating heart in my chest.” Goosebumps erupt over my skin as our hands trace over my stomach. “You are my everything. Mind. Body. Soul. I fucking love you, Elena, and you will love me back. I don’t care if I have to destroy you in the process.” He moves our hands even slower across my breasts, and I hate the way my nipples harden into tight peaks under the sensual touch. “You’ll be mine one day. Fully. I love it when you fight me, but if you would just shut up and stop, even for one second, you might see what’s right in front of you.”

There’s a saying that every seven years, your body will be new. The same, but all your cells will be replaced.

If you never find it in your heart to trust me again—if you never believe another word I say—believe that I love you. My love isn’t perfect, and it isn’t beautiful. It’s broken and scarred and ugly, but all of it is yours. I will always be yours.

“I’m still the same person, Elena. The same man you fell in love with. I think you know that, and it scares you, but I told you that very first night in your apartment that I’m the one thing you never have to be afraid of.” “But I am afraid of you,” I whisper. “I’m afraid of what you’ll do to yourself if I leave and I’m afraid of what you’ll do to me if I stay.”

Only love can hurt that bad and still be worth it.”

As I watch Elena sleep, I finally understand Caroline’s drawing. Safe isn’t a place. It’s the people that love you.

“Give me time. I’m not going anywhere. Let our love be simple and let it be complicated too. Let me see all of you, the parts of you that you keep hidden under your scars. Make me fall even more deeply in love with all the dark parts of you. The parts you think are unlovable. Then one day, ask me properly, and I’ll say yes.”

“I can’t live without you, Elena. My heart will never belong to anyone else. I’m not religious and I don’t believe in an afterlife, but if there’s even a slight chance that I get to spend an eternity with you, I want to do it properly. For whatever amount of time we have to spend together, I want to be yours. Fully. In your heart and on paper.”

my cheeks turning red under the blue heat of his eyes. After all, blue flames are the hottest.

“I used to get off on the thought of breaking you, but now it fills me with fear. I have to be gentle with you now. If I break you one more time, I may never find all the pieces again.” “What if I want you to break me?” I ask, my eyes not leaving his. “What if I don’t want you to be gentle?” “Then I’ll love you violently instead.”

I’m in love with a man who would move the sun with his bare hands if it meant giving me a little shade.”

“I love you.” I say through gritted teeth, her hair wrapped tight around my fist. “I love you so much it makes me insane. I love you so much it makes me dangerous. I love you so much that I would burn this world for you and all the people in it just to keep you all to myself. Do you understand me? If it comes down to a choice, you will choose me. I don’t give a fuck if it costs the remainder of your soul. You are mine and only mine.”

“How do you know me better than I know myself?” “Because I see more than you think I do. And I see an angel who just got her wings.”

I laugh softly. “Have you ever considered not jumping straight to violence?” “No,” he deadpans. “Violence is what I do best. It’s why you fell in love with me.”