As my friendship with them progressed, I started taking up smoking and doing coke recreationally just for an excuse to get away. I remember standing still in a bar of moving people, the lights flashing red, and thinking, I would definitely rather have chronic obstructive pulmonary disease than remain in here. I begged people for cigarettes. I would go to the bathroom with rolled paper money and my driver’s license, not truly desiring any high besides the one I got leaving a room.
