The Age of Magical Overthinking: Notes on Modern Irrationality

by Amanda Montell

The original tenet says that we may not be able to control other people or events, but with our own reactions, we can abate suffering.

there is not some password or flawless synthesis of logic you can present to get that person to see what you see. But if you want to help, Savage said you can let the person know, even if you haven’t spoken to them in a while, that if they ever want to get out—to stay somewhere, or even just chat—you will be there. You won’t judge, interrogate, or throw it in their face. You’ll just pick up the phone, open the door. If the person is anything like I was, they might not be effusively receptive to this offer; they might scoff and dismiss it. They might even stop talking to you for a while. But they won’t forget.

So often, a person in either a cult or cultlike relationship doesn’t realize that people can see them suffering—that anyone on the outside loves them or cares. That’s part of what keeps them in. Even if it seems painfully obvious, sometimes you have to say a thing out loud for it to be real.