Here We Go Again

by Alison Cochrun

For all the queer educators out there. You save lives simply by showing up. And for every queer teenager who became a little too attached to their English teacher.

Bad things didn’t happen at Applebee’s.

Still, she listens to “Bitch” whenever she feels the intense need to rage, because raging is so much safer than the alternative: the untethered spiral of anxiety that spools out whenever she loses control. And

“Thirty-two is a little old for a mortal enemy.”

You're never to old to develop a mortal enemy

There are two types of high school teachers: the teachers who had such a great time in high school that they never wanted to leave, and teachers who were so miserable in high school they came back to try to make things a little better for the next generation.

“The universe feels infinite tonight,” she whispers as she looks up.

There’s something about the quiet confidence of those words that takes root inside Logan’s heart, like a gentle voice telling her it’s not too late. She’s not dying, and there’s still time to live without regret.

“Live dangerously, Rosemary. You’re on an adventure.”

It’s a kiss like arguing. Like passion and stubbornness. A kiss like mutual surrender.

“You girls want some Tuesdays with Morrie advice?” Joe says when they’re all back in the car. “Here it is. Take more nudes while you’re young.”

Logan’s skin has always run hot, like she’s summertime personified. But Logan is made for summers. For sleeping in and staying out late to stare at the stars. For endless days with nothing to do—days where doing anything becomes possible. Logan is sunshine and adventure and freedom and the month of July.

This is love. Love is seeing perfection in every flaw. Seeing every flaw as a miracle because it belongs to the person you care about most. Love is saying, yes, still. Even after all these years.

“I’ve never been in love before, but I’m pretty sure it feels like this. Kisses that feel like waking up. Touches that feel like dreaming. Love is finding someone who helps you rewrite the story of yourself.”

Hurt first, so she’ll never be hurt at all. Leave first, so no one ever leaves her. Careful, not careless.

Even when I was too young to understand what love is, my heart still loved you on instinct. Loving you was like breathing.