Worry
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Read between April 29 - May 12, 2024
2%
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I’m jealous of the way Poppy still thinks that everything she’s ever experienced is special.
3%
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“I get really bad strep every sixteen months like clockwork. What makes you get strep every sixteen months?” “Being alive,” Poppy says. “Getting strep is part of being alive.”
11%
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As I fall asleep, I’m jealous that Poppy can articulate such a clear, raw vision of want, that she can fantasize so deeply. Every time I think of something I want I manage to talk myself out of it. I close my eyes and tell myself to think hard about my deepest wish for my future life. I tell myself it’s okay to imagine; that I’m safe inside my own head; that I can get specific; that my desires are worth considering.
65%
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I have an education, I’m not riddled with the Black Death, there’s clean water, there’s plumbing, there’s supermarkets, there’s a map in my phone, it even rotates—and I’m just fucking nowhere, I’m making nothing of anything. And it’s like: our great-grandparents fled Europe for what? So one day we could buy thirty-dollar tubes of organic aluminum-free deodorant and sit on our asses making content? Looking at this fucking flat-screen all day? Doing nothing?”