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April 23 - May 17, 2025
they are fairly sure that God loves them, but they also want or need love from other people—or at least they need something from other people. As a result, they feel empty. They are nothing, and they are controlled by whomever or whatever they believe can give them what they think they need.
Fear in the biblical sense is a much broader word. It includes being afraid of someone, but it extends to holding someone in awe, being controlled or mastered by someone, worshipping someone, putting trust in someone, or needing someone more than needing God.
Whatever you need will control you.
If you need others to fill you, you are controlled by them.
The most radical treatment for the fear of man is the fear of the Lord. God must be bigger to you than people are.
Regarding other people, our problem is that we need them for ourselves more than we love them for the glory of God. God sets us the task of needing them less and loving them more.
One of the Bible’s dominant questions is “Whom will you fear [need, be controlled by]?” Will you fear God or people?
We fear people because they can expose and humiliate us, ridicule and reject us, and attack, threaten, or oppress us. These three reasons have one thing in common: they see people as “bigger” (that is, more powerful and significant) than God, and, out of the fear that creates in us, we give other people the power to tell us what to feel, think, and do.
Since sin entered the world, we see God less clearly and are less attentive to him, but we are acutely, if not painfully, aware of other people’s scrutiny.
shame was also the result of being sinned against: of being victimized or dishonored by others.
If a man commits adultery with another man’s wife, the innocent spouse is shamed or dishonored, literally “made naked” by another’s sin (see Lev. 20:11, 17, 19–21).
What gets confusing is that shame from victimization feels identical to the shame we feel from our own sin, even though the cause is very different. Victims feel embarrassed, humiliated, and disgraced because of others’ sins against them. They feel unclean, naked, and unable to cover themselves. They feel as if they are under the all-knowing gaze of others, and they fear people.
Both sin and shame share a common treatment: rest, cleansing, and acceptance is found in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.
The gospel is the story of God’s covering his naked enemies, bringing them to the wedding feast, and then marrying them rather than crushing them.
The presence of others leaves us feeling exposed. However, even though it feels as if other people are causing us to feel shame, in reality we carry shame with us all the time. Other people simply trigger its appearance.
Sometimes we would prefer to die for Jesus than to live for him.
In other words, “Kill me, but don’t keep me from being liked, appreciated, or respected.”
Paul was not a people pleaser. He was a people lover, and because of that he did not change his message according to what others might think. Only people lovers are able to confront. Only people lovers are not controlled by other people.
the idol we choose to worship soon owns us.
We never expect that using people to meet our desires leaves us enslaved to them.
what we fear shows our allegiances. It shows where we put our trust. It shows who is big in our lives.
when this alarm is not regulated by faith, it becomes a fear that is consumed with itself and for a time forgets God.
The fear of man is a certain threat to the souls of those who have been hurt or abused. Left unattended, perpetrators grow into idolatrous proportions, their power only increasing.
When God and spirituality are reduced to our standards or feelings, God will never be to us the awesome Holy One of Israel.
Genuine fear of the Lord is reserved for those who know Jesus. This fear of the Lord means reverent submission that leads to obedience, and it is interchangeable with worship of God, reliance on him, trust in him, and hope in him. You will find it when you can come to the Lord and are a humble listener to his words.
Whenever we fear anything—a god, a person, or anything in the subhuman creation—other than God, Satan is basking in the darkness we have created.
we have a “God-given need to be loved that is born into every human infant. It is a legitimate need that must be met from cradle to grave. If children are deprived of love—if that primal need for love is not met—they carry the scars for life.”
We must remember that love is in ruins because of our sin.
sin renders us naturally indifferent to God’s love for us and more eager for the love of a creature than the Creator.
This theology authorizes a husband to believe that God made him with the need for love and respect, and his wife is obligated to fill it—God himself commanded her. As a result, he believes that he is owed respect and that he has a right to be angry when his wife doesn’t fill this need. When we have a desire for respect and we don’t receive it, we are hurt. If we have a need for respect, we are devastated or angry.
Now we are really in God’s debt, but it is not a debt that leaves us ashamed. We were in his debt because of our sin, and we were people who lived in shame. Now we are in his debt because of his forgiveness, and we are filled with gratitude.
On the surface, love for enemies sounds like selfpunishment or foolishness. It goes in the face of popular counsel that tells you to jettison people who damage your self-esteem. But if God says it, it must be good. There is always a blessing in obedience. The blessing might not be reconciliation with, or repentance from, the enemy. Instead, it may be the privilege of not being controlled by that enemy. Or it might simply be the joy of becoming more like Jesus. Whatever it may be, there is always a blessing in obedience.
Remember, first, that the flesh has a sinful bent toward selfinterest. It is committed to the question “What’s in it for me?” Second, Satan is a liar and divider. Notice that the most explicit biblical teaching on spiritual warfare (Eph. 6:10–20) is found in a book of the Bible that emphasizes unity. Satan’s most prominent strategy is to fracture and divide. And third, the world applauds these tendencies.
What was the most prominent identity of the Israelite? “I am an Israelite, one of the people who belong to God.” Try to find “God and me” in the five books of Moses. You will not find it. God’s covenant was with a people. “Hear, O Israel,” said the Lord.
People pleasers can mistake “niceness” for love. When they do, they are prone to being manipulated by others, and burnout is sure to follow. People pleasers can also mistake saying yes for love. But a yes may be very unwise. It may not be the best way for us to repay our debt of love. Saying yes to one task may keep us from another task that is more important.
Oneness is not sameness.
we are to love people more and need people (to satisfy our psychological cravings) less. In the same way that love for God expels the terror of God, love for people expels our fear that they might shame, physically hurt, or reject us.
As John Calvin said, I wasn’t a love cup; I was an idol factory. I wanted to worship something or someone that would give me glory. Not too much glory, of course. Just enough to make me feel good about myself.
