Saving Rain

by Kelsey Kingsley

I promise when I get home, things are going to be better. I’m going to be better. You’ll see. I’ll be the best mommy in the world because that’s what you deserve for being the best little boy. Okay?”

I wondered what all of that meant.

But if she had said she was happy and that things would be good when she got home, then I believed her. Because that was what I always did. I believed her.

I cried into my pillow until I fell asleep and dreamed of walks with Gramma and fishing with Grampa.

She always promised. But unlike Gramma’s and Grampa’s, Mom’s promises broke easily.

I didn't like that dead meant gone,

And that was when I realized that it didn’t always matter what tree the apple fell from. Sometimes, it was just rotten.

“I know what to do with pain, Ray,” I said, keeping my tone barely above a whisper. “Give yours to me. Let me carry it, so you don’t have to anymore.”

I cried because she’d never possessed the ability to love me enough to get herself out of the shit she was in.