To Sell is Human: The Surprising Truth About Persuading, Convincing, and Influencing Others

by Daniel H. Pink

In the world of moving others, I call this ability “social cartography.”

“One of those cues is the unconscious awareness of whether we are in synch with other people, and a way to do that is to match their behavioral patterns with our own.”

“The most common thread in the people who are really good at this is humility,” she told me. “They take the attitude of ‘I’m sitting in the small chair so you can sit in the big chair.’” That’s perspective-taking through reducing power, the first rule of attunement.

Where are you from? The wording allows the other person to respond in a myriad of ways. She might talk in the past tense about location (“I grew up in Berlin”), speak in present tense about her organization (“I’m from Chiba Kogyo Bank”), or approach the question from some other angle (“I live in Los Angeles, but I’m hoping to move”). This question has altered my own behavior. Because I enjoy hearing about people’s experiences at work, I often ask people: What do you do? But I’ve found that a few folks squirm at this because they don’t like their jobs or they believe that others might pass judgment. Collins’s question is friendlier and more attuned. It opens things up rather than shuts them down. And it always triggers an interesting conversation about something.

Opening question

Watch, Wait, and Wane:

empty chair has become legendary in Amazon’s Seattle headquarters. Seeing it encourages meeting attendees to take the perspective of that invisible but essential person.

How to stay afloat amid that ocean of rejection is the second essential quality in moving others. I call this quality “buoyancy.” Hall exemplifies it. Recent social science explains it. And if you understand buoyancy’s three components—which apply before, during, and after any effort to move others—you

“Positivity” is one of those words that make many of us roll our eyes, gather our belongings, and look for the nearest exit.

“Levity is that unseen force that lifts you skyward, whereas gravity is the opposing force that pulls you earthward. Unchecked levity leaves you flighty, ungrounded, and unreal. Unchecked gravity leaves you collapsed in a heap of misery,” she writes. “Yet when properly combined, these two opposing forces leave you buoyant.”15

superb!

positivityratio.com/).

try listing Fredrickson’s ten positive emotions—joy, gratitude, serenity, interest, hope, pride, amusement, inspiration, awe, and love—on your phone, computer, or office wall. Select one or two. Then

The more you explain bad events as temporary, specific, and external, the more likely you are to persist even in the face of adversity.

http://ow.ly/cQ5rl). Just

framing a sale in experiential terms is more likely to lead to satisfied customers and repeat business.

thing.”19 People often find potential more interesting than accomplishment because it’s more uncertain, the researchers argue.

next time you’re selling yourself, don’t fixate only on what you achieved yesterday. Also emphasize the promise of what you could accomplish tomorrow.

“ ‘Yes and’ isn’t a technique,” Salit says. “It’s a way of life.”

“Those who say ‘Yes’ are rewarded by the adventures they have. Those who say ‘No’ are rewarded by the safety they attain.”

Upserving means doing more for the other person than he expects or you initially intended, taking the extra steps that transform a mundane interaction into a memorable experience.