Slash or Pass (Final Girls)

by Tylor Paige

This book is for all you Whorror Babies who’ve asked your partner to buy a Ghostface mask for… reasons. I see you boo. I got you.

Only exception to me liking horror.

“What about Constantine?” I reached for the necklace I wore around my neck. A thin golden ring with a small diamond hung on it. “We shouldn’t have left him..” Hot tears began to fall down my filthy cheeks. “We need to go back. He’s waiting for us. We need to save him.”

We had escaped. Constantine didn’t. She was right; but little did she know, there was one part of her story that wasn’t true.

Oh my gawd. DOES HE KNOW??????

My phone buzzed in my pocket, but I ignored it. I knew who was texting this late, but he’d have to wait so I could tell him everything. And he could thank me later.

I WANT TO KNOWWWWWW

Someone had found my wedding license to Constantine.

There, smiling, laughing, and clutching the necklace with his wedding ring on it, was a handsome man with black hair and blue eyes. He was talking to someone slightly off-screen and then turned to face the camera. Constantine.

“I always knew you’d be pretty, beautiful even, but sexy? God damn, Eisley.”

“A little birdie tells me your cherry is still intact. Is that true?”

Kansas -_-

“Are you my ex?” she asked. “Because last time I checked, we’re both wearing our rings.” At

“Did you, wife?”

“Let’s go home, wife.” Constantine whispered in my ear as we headed toward the door. As soon as we stepped out of the bar I pulled away from him. “Will you stop calling me that?” I demanded. “Why not? You’re still wearing your ring.” My eyes flicked to his chest and he pulled out his necklace with a small gold band on it. He still had his too.

Constantine It’s okay to fuck the final girl if she’s your wife.

“Do we need a condom?” she whispered. A sudden jolt of anger rose in me. “I’m your husband. I’m not using a fucking condom when I pop your cherry,” I growled.

He leaned across the counter to put his face right into the camera. “I’m Constantine, her husband.”

I scanned the small squares, each labeled with where the cameras were. Doorbell, backyard, front yard, and her kitchen. I squinted, saw something moving, and clicked on kitchen. And there she was, little Eisley, pacing and holding the phone to her ear.

Ok. He's being weird now.... :/

Congratulations, you’re Hispanic.”

Twin. Where have you been?

I sat back and let my friend tattoo my wife in peace.

She shivered as my lips went to her ear. “Can you do that for me, wife?”

“Eisley Blackwood. We’ll be getting that changed.” He grabbed the necklace around my neck and yanked me forward. Pinching the ring between his fingers, he growled, “You’re mine, in every sense of the word, wife.”

God. Hear me please. I want one.

She tried to rest her head on my shoulder, but I stepped away in time.

da fuq she tranna do??????

His hand slid up and clutched my neck. He squeezed, and I gasped, and then, in one quick motion, he grabbed my necklace and ripped it off me. At

And that is where i draw the fucking LINE with Kansas ....

“Now go to sleep, and in the morning, when you wake up in your own bed, we’ll talk about where your wedding ring went.”

“I had bought you something fun for us both to play with, but now that I have someone’s ass to find and kick for fucking my wife, why don’t you just play with it yourself? Make a movie for me or something.” He started down the stairs.

“What did you put on the knife?” I gasped through the pain. Dave held the knife up to the sun. “You like it? It’s my own concoction. Something the Reanimator can’t heal.”

“You see this?” Constantine raised his necklace and grabbed the matching one around my neck. “It’s going to keep me going. Don’t talk to anyone. Don’t look back. Just run. Run, and I’ll catch up. I love you, Eisley.” “I love you too Constantine.”

“Just a joke?” I waved the mask I’d taken from the first one and waved it at them threateningly. “Isn’t this the mask the killer’s been wearing? That’s what the police said.” I stood and glared at them. It was so over the top, trying to fake genuine concern that a serial killer was running around. Oh wait, that was me.

He's so, idgaf. I love him.

I wondered if this had something to do with Kansas’s and I’s spell. They hadn’t frozen her out like we’d wanted, but something was amiss.

Rule 71 - Constantine Prepare for rain.

She turned away, putting her hand over her forehead to see better. Bad mistake. I caught her throat, pulling her back toward my chest.

That was hot.

What a fucking tease. Using the heavy rain to cover the sound of my feet, I walked right up to her tree and yanked her into my arms. She tried to scream, but I quickly shoved two fingers into her mouth. "You've been a bad girl, Eisley," I whispered in her ear as I pushed her to her knees. I moved with her, keeping my fingers buried in her throat. "You know what happens to bad girls?" My other hand, still grasping the knife, went to her thigh, tugging up her battered gown. The blade slid up her skin, sending cold shivers through her body and, with it pressed against mine, through me as well. She began to choke on my fingers, which only made me dig further in.

"Tell me, wife." I pulled my fingers from her body and replaced it with the hilt of my knife.

Like Haunting Adeline all over again!!!

Tears dripped down her dirty cheeks. I reached around and pressed her chest to mine. My hand ran down her curves, squeezing her ass.

God. I want one.

"And what am I to you?" She pushed against my chest but I didn't let her go.

"My wife," I said. She clasped the ring around my neck and looked up at me, so beautiful, perfect, so fucking hot.

"My prin...

Grinning, I leaned in and instead of kissing her, I spit and she took it again with a ...

"And our plaything."

Constantine spun me around and wrapped his hands around my chest and stomach, binding me to him.

Constantine pulled me down by my shoulders and hugged me to him, causing my ass to be thrust into the air.

When he first confessed what the Minister had done to him, murdering him, only to bring him right back to life, cursing him to immortality and the forever lingering need to murder others, I didn't believe him.

"If you're immortal, then how did you still age?" “237. That’s how many candles are used in the ritual. You know why that is, Kansas?” I shook my head. He held up two fingers. “Two lives, three times seven. Twenty-one.” “What?” He laughed dryly and shrugged. “I don’t know, man. It was written down in my dad’s lunatic ramblings he called his bible. Either way, it was true. I aged and was able to be hurt until my 21st birthday. Ever since then, nothing.” He stabbed the knife into his thigh and removed it, only for us to watch it heal.

"That urge we talked about in the kitchen? Every few weeks, the idea pops back into my head and starts to drive me mad until I take care of it." Like a period?" "I mean, kind of. Once a month, I have to deal with a little blood. It's inconvenient, messes up my clothes, I'm moody as hell. Yeah, sure. It's like a period. Hopefully, we can do that thing where ours sync up." He wiggled his eyebrows and laughed. "Bro, this isn't funny." But yet, I laughed too.

Unless they cast men in their forties to play a twenty-year-old, then you gotta go Patrick Wilson, always."

MY MAN MY MAN MY MAN

Maybe Ian Somerhalder for you," she teased.

my eyes drifting back to the woman I would give anything for. My wife. "Eisley, please."

"Princess." I rolled my eyes and tugged on a pair of pants and a shirt. "Wife, love of my entire existence.

I pulled the bag I'd packed the night before out from under my bed and stuffed everything inside. Constantine handed me a folded piece of paper, and I realized it was our wedding license. I kissed him and then turned to Kansas. "Let's go."

“While we’re confessing things…” Constantine glanced over. “Those flowers…” I gasped. “No! You two?” I looked back and forth between them. “I think we may have taken the joke a little too far,” Kansas cringed. “A bit!” I swatted them both, and felt a little less uneasy. I had nothing to worry about. No stalkers, no killers, no cult leaders, just these two who’d protect me with their life.