More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
“That was four years ago,” she said, and I nodded in agreement. “Four years. Three months. Twenty-six days. And fourteen hours.” Her jaw went slack, completely in shock.
That you were a perfect specimen to breed me with.” “Breed?” she repeated. “They’d tried in the past. It was always unsuccessful. The first time I refused. When asking failed, they drugged me.” I had to swallow against the dryness in my throat. “I don’t remember what happened. They’d created some sort of chemical meant to induce a mating heat. Except my body wasn’t meant to go through heat. What’s more, they gave it to the female’s because it convinced my hormones that I was actually with my mate. After the first incident I begged them not to do it again. I said I’d do it willingly—because I
...more
“The researchers thought I was more inclined to impregnate them—but it made me a true monster. So my dragon took over. We stayed that way for years, with him at the forefront and me in the back. I couldn’t handle it. The guilt was overwhelming.”
“It had been over five years since I had last been with a woman when you were brought to the lab. They were oh so gleeful to learn a phoenix was my mate. They were certain that we’d be successful where so many others failed.” They had plans to force us together if we didn’t comply, but I wasn’t going to give her nightmares even more fuel.
“When fire stopped working altogether and they moved to other methods but you stopped responding to the pain. It's not that you didn't feel it. It was more like you embraced it. You fell into it. You let that become your existence and it took away the power that it had over you.”
Make no mistake, Nikki, with me you won’t get a nice normal guy. I will fight for you. I will love you fiercely. I will protect you with everything I have in me. I will do my best to comfort you and to treat you with respect, because you deserve it. You are the most important person in my life, but I'm not normal. I probably shouldn't tell you that. Given how badly I want this bond and how much I know that you're hesitating. But you asked for the truth and I'm giving it to you.
I still expected him to find some way to move the yardstick before the trials ended, but if I got to meet you again, talk to you, be near you. . .” I hesitated out of fear of rejection. “You thought I'd want to bond.” “I hoped,” I agreed. “I couldn't understand why you stayed away as long as you did. Unless it was that you truly weren't ready. I thought by getting to know each other, you might change your mind—I didn't know that you had completely forgotten me; that you had no memory at all.”
“Do you think if we were to complete it that I would feel it?” she asked. I wanted to say yes. The small bit of hope in her eyes was fuel and all it needed was for me to strike the match. But I wouldn't lie to her. “I don't know. I don't know if it's that you're a phoenix and you do things differently or if the trauma somehow suppressed it. The brain is a complicated thing, just like magic. The way that they interact doesn't always make sense.”
“I'd like to try.” “Try?” I asked, having a hard time computing the words with her being so close to me. My cock was painfully hard. I wanted to pull her on my lap and rip her sweat pants off. I wanted to shove her on top of me and slide into her over and over again. I wanted to feel her warm heat orgasming around me, pulling me into her, fusing us together as one. “Mating,” she rasped. “I want to try mating with you.” Oh fuck.
I'd made a split-second decision. A leap of faith, if you will. Some could say it was a little bit crazy. After all, you can't marry a man you just met.
He’d stolen four years from me and Niall. We should have been able to get to know one another. In another life, we would have fallen in love naturally without all the bullshit. My father took that from us. He put us in this terrible situation where I didn’t trust my mates or their motives, when no one had been more hurtful than him. I had a feeling he had something to do with Malachi leaving, and he would take Adrian too, if given the chance. Well, I was done. I was done letting him take things from me.
Hearing him respect me enough to not just give me my truth, but his own as well—to know that he was willing to do anything to have me? Yeah, it got me a little hot and bothered.
“Nikki, there is no try when it comes to mating,” he said in a strangled voice. “If we fuck—” “I know,” I whispered in his ear, and my hands lifted to his chest. “There's no going back,” he said gruffly. “I know,” I repeated, trailing my lips along his neck. I liked his taste. I wanted more of it.
“You want me, or you don't,” I said. “If you want me, we do this here and now. Your dragon is struggling and . . .” I looked away letting my voice break off. I'd been about to tell him that I wanted my mate. I wanted the man that never chose to walk away and kept trying. The one that saved me from hell. The one that gave me a choice. I wanted the person that was meant to be mine.
After losing my twin, I was terrified of losing anyone, but instead of letting that fear rule me—I was making the choice to pull them closer—to keep them safe. To let them keep me safe. But he wouldn't get that truth. Not unless he wanted to complete the bond.
“I won't pretend I do. I'm not super keen on sharing after having nothing all of my life. I want to hoard you all to myself, but I know I can't do that. Much as I hate admitting this, you need Adrian and Malachi as much as you need me. While I am struggling right now, I will figure out a way to make this work for you.
Nikki, I haven’t fucked anyone outside of when I was forced . . . our first time we'll need to be very careful.” My lips parted. “Oh.” “Oh,” he repeated. “Careful how?” “I need control.”
“When you say control, do you mean like BDSM?” “Not exactly, no. But I will be very dominant in the bedroom with you, and I need you to trust me to take care of you, because I will. I would never hurt you, Nikki. I also won't be the mate that can have wild, unrestrained sex without boundaries. At least I'm not now, and I likely won't be for a very long time. What happened to me—to us—it affected a lot more than just my pain tolerance. I need you to give me that control—and to do what I tell you, but I want you to do that because you want to. Not because I want it.”
“I've never been very submissive,” I told him. “Or dominant for that matter,” I added a second later. “I’m an in-betweenie, I think. I’ve never been to any clubs or parties like that. Not because I'm not interested, but because I’d be reported. All my hook-ups were secrets and were kept within a closed circle. My guards. Friends my father didn’t know about. The occasional one-night stand with another member of—”
People always thought short women were like lap dogs, but what those assholes failed to see was that because I was short—I wasn't very accustomed to being tall. It was an uncomfortable sensation. Particularly because I wasn't the one in control of it, he was.
I may have loved my princess movies, but I also loved a good, dirty fuck. A real Prince Charming would have bored me to tears.
“I liked—like to be, uh, handled, um . . .” At the first sign of a smirk on his face, I threw caution to the wind. If he wanted me to say it so badly, I wouldn’t try for the most diplomatic route. “I was hurt. Heartbroken. I didn’t want to make love. I haven’t had sweet sex because I don’t want to. The best sex I had was with a guy that used me the same way I used him. That’s what I like.”
