Hopeless (Chestnut Springs, #5)

by Elsie Silver

Her eyes, that one little word—it . . . makes my blood pump faster. It makes me feel something in a sea of numbness.

“Are you sober?” I ask as he walks me through the darkened parking lot to my car. “I’ve been drinking fucking chamomile tea for two hours. I’ve never been more sober or hydrated in my life.”

“Okay, what nights do you work alone?” “Sunday through Tuesday,” I reply, zipping my bag. Beau nods and says a terse, “Okay,” before spinning on his heel and giving me his back, looking every bit the military man he is. Head held high, shoulders perfectly straight. Like he’s some sort of knight in shining armor. One who starts pulling up a stool every Sunday through Tuesday to drink chamomile tea until midnight, so I don’t have to close by myself.

Beau: Willa doesn’t run my show. Cade: You must be new here. Willa runs everyone’s show.

“No chamomile tea. But you look like you could use a pick-me-up.” She slides a glass of Coca-Cola in front of me, not realizing that she’s the pick-me-up.

“Let her go. You’ve already peed on her. No one is gonna take her from you.”

Beau: Back door is open, sugar.

But not before his voice cuts through the silent house. “Sugar, there’s a spare bedroom upstairs on the left.” I have never wanted to keel over and die as badly as I do right now. Of course, he’d figure out I was here. He probably heard me breathing. I’m startled enough that I shoot up and watch him walk away, round ass bunching with every step. “And if you want to see me up close, just knock on the door across the hall and ask.” And I officially want to die even more than I did a few seconds ago.

“I know you’re scared of losing control around me.” Her chin tips up as though she’s told me something that will make me back down. Run me off. It doesn’t. “No, I’m scared of you becoming something I can’t live without.”

Willa: Cool. Actually, you can pull the little hairs at the back of his neck and say it’s from me. He loves it. Beau: I will not be doing that. But I’ll tell him you send your love. Willa: Lol. Yeah. Tell him that. That’s even funnier.

Green eyes like mine, but darker like money—his favorite thing.

“I believe the text message I received mentioned her GI Joe brother-in-law and his jailbait fiancée.”

“For what it’s worth,” Ford continues as Bailey and I slide into our seats across from each other, “I think you make a lovely couple and my sister belongs in a straitjacket.”

“I’m done pretending to be head over heels in love with you because I’m legitimately head over heels in love with you. And acting like I’m not tears me up.”

“Maybe it’s too soon. Maybe this is impulsive. Maybe you don’t love me back. But I’ll wait. I don’t care. I’ll take my time with you. So long as I know you’re really mine, I can be patient.”

“Bailey Jansen, I love you,” I murmur as our faces dance close to one another, exchanging soft kisses. We’re in this kind of lull. Standing on a precipice, ready to topple over the edge. “How do you know?” I kiss just below her ear, reveling in the way she tilts her head. My lips move down to her neck. “I just do.” I kiss her shoulder, right beside the tied strap. “I don’t think anyone has ever loved me.” I freeze. The pain in my chest is sharp, instant, acute. She says it like it’s a fact. I’ve seen a lot of sad shit in my life, but none of it has wounded me the way that one sentence just did.

“You can’t do a single thing wrong. Just do what feels good.” “What about you?” One side of his mouth tugs up, an almost pained expression gracing his handsome face. “Trust me, baby. It all feels good with you.”

“You’re going to be the fucking death of me.” She chuckles and turns her face into mine as she whispers, “But what a way to go. Am I right?” Then she kisses me, and I let her. Because she’s not wrong. This would be the way to go.

“How do I look?” I stare at her for a few beats. What a woman. What an incredible fucking woman. She deserves the goddamn world. And I’m going to be the one to give it to her. “Like mine,” I say with a firm nod.

Beau: Gary wants me to tell you he’s on your side. Bailey: He fucking better be. Beau: I’m on your side too. Bailey: You fucking better be.

“Why are you bringing me tips?” “Because it was your shift.” “I quit.” “I worked it for you anyway.” She sniffs and her nose wiggles as she glances away. “Didn’t know you could bartend.” “I can’t, and Gary was really mean to me all night.”

“You’re relentless, you know that?” And I just give her a salute and a wink. Because yeah, I am. No one has ever showed up for Bailey, but she’s about to get the full experience. “No, sugar. When it comes to you, I’m downright hopeless.”

Bailey’s finger points down at the tray. “What’s that?” “Cash.” “Why?” “Because I worked your shift at the bar again last night. Gary stiffed me. Said he wasn’t paying someone as stupid as me to pour his beers and then threw his keys at me.”

Beau: Everyone better show up tonight. Harvey: YES, SIR. Beau: You can’t say that. Like, ever, Dad. Harvey: Why not? Harvey: . . . Sir? Beau: You just can’t. It’s off the table now. Jasper: REPORTING FOR DUTY, SIR. Rhett: SEE YOU FOR DINNER, SIR. Cade: WHY AM I RELATED TO SO MANY IDIOTS, SIR? Beau: I hate you all. See you tonight.

“You’re not nearly as mean as everyone made you out to be, ya know?” I lean over just enough to bump my shoulder against hers. Her lips curve up as she takes another sip of her white wine. Then she bumps my shoulder back. “And you’re not nearly as dumb as everyone made you out to be.” I snort. She is kind of mean, and yet I’m charmed. Theo turns to glance at us, and when his eyes catch on Winter, they soften. They warm. I know how that look feels, but seeing it is something else entirely.

I glance over at Cade. “Sorry, man, this is my two weeks’ notice.” He just grunts. “That’s fine. You’re the worst employee I’ve ever had.”

Everyone is quiet. Watchful. My dad speaks first. “That’s your announcement?” My brows furrow. “Yeah.” “That’s the stupidest announcement I’ve ever been fool enough to get excited about.” Jasper wheezes a laugh and tries to cover it with his hand. “No, listen. Winter announcing her baby’s secret paternity at a family dinner? That was an announcement.” “Gotta win at something sometimes, I guess,” she mutters from beside me.

“And quite frankly, if Sloane can marry her cousin, I figure I can—” Harvey starts up again, and I groan. Jasper’s head drops, his palms pressing into his eye sockets while Sloane bursts out laughing, rubbing soothing circles on his back. “Then I can be with Cordelia.” “She’s not my cousin,” Jasper huffs through a laugh. Harvey elbows him playfully. “Sure, sure. And Cordelia isn’t my sister-in-law.”

“In closing”—he clears his throat—“I’m relieved that I’m no longer the only person on the receiving end of all your most annoying text messages. In fact, their occurrence has decreased dramatically since Cade came into your life. Or you blasted into his, and—let’s be honest—knowing you, that’s the more likely scenario. Which leads me to believe you’ve made him the target of all your unhinged harassment, and I couldn’t be happier for myself about that.”

“Willa, if you ever stop making fun of me, I’ll know you’re not okay. So check in now and then. Tell me something mean so I know you’re still well. But since we’re not texting right now and I don’t see you that often, I’ll take this opportunity to tell you I love you and I am wildly proud of the woman you’ve become. It takes a special man to keep up with a formidable person like you, and I’m so glad you dropped your panties in front of one who can.” Everyone laughs. Everyone knows Willa. Everyone knows the panty story.

“We gonna do this one day, sugar tits?” I shake my head with a smile. “We fuckin’ better.”