Hopeless (Chestnut Springs, #5)

by Elsie Silver

“You’re perfect, Bailey.” His words soothe me instantly. He reads me like a book and knew exactly what was running through my head. Perfect. I’m not sure there’s any such thing, but I let myself bask in the compliment anyway.

“I love you, Bailey Jansen,” he murmurs, stroking my hair and licking gently over what I’m sure will be a bite mark tomorrow.

And all I can do is smile. Because that was worth the wait. I have never felt more cherished than I do with Beau Eaton wrapped around me.

I’m at a loss for words. For what she shared with me tonight. For what she’s shared with me over the past several weeks. I feel unworthy in the most profound way. But I want to be worthy. I feel desperate to be.

This girl has brought me back to life without even trying. All that time I searched for someone to make me feel something, and she was right fucking there.

confusion. I don’t think anyone has ever cherished Bailey. Not like I do. And no one else ever will. “I love you,” I repeat to her, not caring I’ve said it multiple times tonight and she hasn’t. You don’t tell a person you love them with the expectation they’ll say it back. You tell them because you want to. You tell them because it’s true.

lips. “I don’t know that there’s a prescribed length of time it takes, Bailey. There’s not some magical benchmark or test you need to take to see it. Sometimes I think you just know.” “You just know,” she repeats thoughtfully, worrying her bottom teeth between her lips. I kiss her stomach again. “My pain disappears when I’m with you. I get to be a new version of myself when I’m with you. I sleep. I laugh. I have something—someone—to look forward to at the end of the day. I feel . . .” I peer back up at her again, swallowing as I run my hands up the column of her spine. “I feel whole again with you.”

But ever since “new ownership” took over, we haven’t been on the hook for walkouts. Or, well, I haven’t been. No one in this town would walk away without paying, unless I was their server—then it was a funny joke. I used to hear them laughing about it. Until “new ownership” banned anyone who left without paying from coming back. Fuck. Fuck. How long has Beau been looking out for me? And he let all this go unsaid while we . . . While I started to feel . . .

An angry whimper lodges in my throat, and I drop the card on the perfectly polished hardwood floor before spinning on my heel and getting the fuck away from Beau. The fuck away from my fiancé. The fuck away from my boss.

I’m hurt. I’m embarrassed. I feel foolish that I let myself believe someone could love me so honestly. And yet, I ache for him. I only want him. His arms. His words. His smell. I know it’s the only thing that will make me feel better, but. . . I’m furious.

“I . . . I don’t even know how to make sense of this. Why buy it at all?” The smile that touches his lips is sad. “I watched you that night. I saw how hard you worked. How nervous you were. And I . . . ” He scrubs his hands down over his face. “I don’t know, Bailey. I guess I’ve always been impulsive where you’re concerned. Because I walked into the back and made Fred an offer on the place that he couldn’t refuse. It just didn’t feel right. Knowing what he was going to do to you.” “That’s insane. Of course it’s not right! For a man who’s been through some shit, you’re awfully idealistic, Beau. Bad things happen to good people. You don’t need to be a hero every time. You don’t need to save everyone.” He shrugs. “You’re not everyone.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” “I wanted to. Fuck.” He wipes at his mouth and paces. “I wanted to. Jasper told me to. He’s the only person I ever told. But I knew we were too far down this path for it to not hurt you or make you feel like I was maneuvering behind your back. And, god, Bailey. The very last thing in the world I ever want to do is hurt you.”

“I actually felt like I was your partner, Beau. Like you respected me. I really felt like I was integral to you somehow. I wasn’t a project. Not some deep-cover mission. Not a pawn in you playing super soldier to scratch an itch or fool your family.” “I do respect you. And you are integral to me. I fucking love you, Bailey.” Love. Whoever said love hurts wasn’t fucking lying. “And that job? That job has always felt like proof I did something for myself, despite where I come from. Proof that I don’t need anyone’s pity. That I’m strong enough to rise above it all. That if I had the chance to show people how hard I work, they’d reward me. And you just tugged the one thing I thought I’d done with my life right out from under me. I’m utterly dependent on you, and that terrifies me. And it’s even worse because first you made me fall in l—you know what?” I wave a hand dismissively. “I need some time to get my bearings so I don’t say anything I’ll regret.”

“You’re relentless, you know that?” And I just give her a salute and a wink. Because yeah, I am. No one has ever showed up for Bailey, but she’s about to get the full experience. “No, sugar. When it comes to you, I’m downright hopeless.”

“You’re not used to anyone showing up for you, Bailey. This is what that looks like. I told you I love you. I’ve never loved a woman before. Wasn’t sure I ever would. But now I do. And you and me? We’re a team. You don’t quit on your teammates. You don’t leave a man behind. So now you’re stuck with me. I’m just being patient. Waiting for you to come back.”

“It’s like I’ve been searching for something, something to tie me to this new reality. I wasn’t looking for love; I was looking for a purpose. I just didn’t expect my purpose to be you.” I say the only thing I can say in the wake of his words, in the wake of everything he’s done for me. “I love you, Beau.”

“I told you once that I don’t think anyone has loved me before. But . . .” I nibble at my lip. “But I don’t think I’ve ever really loved anyone either.” His thumbs swipe at my cheeks, brushing away the tears that slip over my skin. “That’s okay, baby. I can be your first,” he says. And then he kisses me. The first, last, and only man to love me. And I’m okay with that.

Nah, my house at the ranch is the old me. This one? This is the new me. The me with her. And like I told her, it’s a great investment. Every investment I’ve made in this woman will always be.

“You fill me with purpose. Lifting you up gives me a reason. Seeing you smile makes me feel whole. And I’m never going to apologize for that. We’re symbiotic, you and me. Without you, this version of me doesn’t exist. Without the next version of you, the next version of me doesn’t exist either. We’re going to grow together.”