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“No, I’m scared of you becoming something I can’t live without.”
Giving me exactly what I want, like he could never say no to me.
Or maybe in this moment, we both realize that neither of us cares to struggle. We’ve both struggled enough already.
“So long as you’re wearing that ring, this pussy is mine.”
She didn’t expect me to stick around after being intimate with her, and that realization is like a steel-toed boot to the gut.
It feels like the world stands still for a moment. Like I just poured myself out there and am waiting to be judged. It’s a strange sensation, waiting for another person to choose when I’ve always prided myself on being a person of action. A rational decision-maker.
It’s not fair to need her like this. It wasn’t the deal we made. But I care less about that deal all the time and more about keeping her close.
Bailey might get uncomfortable around other people. But not me.
Been dreaming of holding her like this since then, so I might as well capitalize on it while the opportunity is still here.
And I spend all night dreaming of teaching her all the things she wants to know. But only here and only for me.
There’s something fractured about Beau. About his spirit. Like he’s torn between so many versions of himself and doesn’t know which one to pick. I wish he knew it's okay to be all of them with me.
At every stoplight, he reaches back and rubs my calf until it turns green again. And nothing about any of it feels fake.
We had an agreement. This shouldn’t be a date night. But I want it to be.
Not wanting to lose sight of her ever.
“I want to be yours for real.”
I’m memorizing you,”
“You’re perfect,” I murmur as I kiss my way down the valley between her breasts. “Every inch. Every look. Every word.”
“I’m so fucking hung up on you, it’s not even funny,”
Into her. That seems like it’s vastly understating whatever it is I feel for Bailey. Invested. Possessive. Obsessed.
Do I love her? God. What a pedestrian question, one that feels like it doesn’t encompass all the feelings I have for her. It doesn’t seem like enough. But I’ll keep telling her, keep showing her, until I figure out better words to describe the way I feel about her.
I feel unworthy in the most profound way. But I want to be worthy. I feel desperate to be.
This girl has brought me back to life without even trying. All that time I searched for someone to make me feel something, and she was right fucking there.
“I feel whole again with you.”
She’s gripping me to her like she might breathe me in and sustain herself on my kiss alone.
I know this man would tear the world apart to find me. To save me. But I’m so tired of needing saving.
“Stop agreeing with me. We’re still fighting.”
“Sorry. My bad. It’s just that I am also hashtag team Bailey.”
Beau: Everyone better show up tonight. Harvey: YES, SIR. Beau: You can’t say that. Like, ever, Dad. Harvey: Why not? Harvey: . . . Sir? Beau: You just can’t. It’s off the table now. Jasper: REPORTING FOR DUTY, SIR. Rhett: SEE YOU FOR DINNER, SIR. Cade: WHY AM I RELATED TO SO MANY IDIOTS, SIR? Beau: I hate you all. See you tonight.
We’re symbiotic, you and me. Without you, this version of me doesn’t exist. Without the next version of you, the next version of me doesn’t exist either. We’re going to grow together.”