And yet with each one, the feeling of pleasure I craved was ever-briefer, more elusive, more difficult to conjure, and I was lonelier and lonelier, and finally they were evidence only of my losses, of my unanswerable sorrows. Sometimes I wondered—had I adopted them to punish myself? And if so, for what? For Ivu’ivu? For Tallent? It was not a happy speculation, but it was at least logical in its way.
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