Euphoria

by F.S. Yousaf

Assured I am always heard, Even through silence. As I write on paper Or think to myself. I am alone But never forgotten.

The act of an apology Does not hold the power to instantly heal, But it gives enough momentum To start moving forward.

There is nothing more delightful Than you, my love. Even though you do not think so, I hold you closer Than anything else That has entered my life.

The spontaneous nature Or unknown aftermath of death Does not scare me. The uncomfortable emotion That crawls up my spine Is of leaving words unspoken, And pain in those who adore me.

But God does not take for no reason. And that was one of the hardest truths I had to come to terms with.

Relieved I am thankful for the ones that have seen the most of me, and stayed. I am thankful for the ones Who left Before knowing all of me.

I do not desire a life Where I am constructed by normality. I crave a different life, Something unlike others.

You have to promise me That this is something We will work on. We will argue, we will fight, But we must make sure That it won’t be the end of us.

Do you not believe That we have endured enough Hatred in history, Just to bring it back once more And stir up Everything we thought was not possible?

The pain will deepen, But the memories won't fade. You are gone from this world, But I know You will be covered In everlasting shade.

How dare the lack of love Be blamed On the person Who cared for you the most. My lies reminisce Your tone, But I know That I do not resemble thee. Your blood Will run through My body until it is no more. Yet, I am not the same man As you.

There are times when I wanted the worst for you, Hoping you would understand The roots of my thoughts. I needed you to feel the pain I held, But here I am Praying you never feel like I did. Hoping no one ever sees you Like the way you saw me.

Reluctant If you know that I do not intend To give up on us, what makes you So terrified? That anything can come in the way of us The fear of it all crashing down Is what I can’t seem to let go of.

Wonderment Ponder, my love. Think about the trees, The air, The sky, And its breeze. Tell me this existence is not a theory, But a miracle.

When we finally meet, I hope that you will understand Why I carried such negative emotions Towards you. And I hope that You can take care of me, And see that I would not carry these emotions If I did not believe in you. The All-Comprehending

The abuse that she endured Had come back to rage against me. I was forced to be a witness, But could not tell A single soul What I had seen.

The lonesome nights had passed by like a breeze on a calm night. My prayer rug unfolded, and hands cupped, begging to give me strength, even if it was just an ounce. I beg for signs over and over again.

Show me your greatness, or leave me be. The trees hunch over my window sill, knocking as they please. Reminding me that they are here, and their presence will not go unnoticed.

Mislead I am overwhelmed by how much My thoughts toy with me. Surrounded by love and support, Yet believing That I am utterly alone.

A week’s worth of happiness Becomes a night filled with intrusive, And horrible thoughts.

I become incapacitated, And know that if I give leverage to these thoughts, I will lose. I win when I do not fall victim to myself. When I hold out till dawn, And all the demons slip away into shadows. This battle is constant, And I fear one day I may lose, but that day is not today.

Who do I become when I do not want to be myself? I beg you to forgive the sins that have built me from the ground up, but even then it all seems hopeless. Come, come with me. Show me what a true believer is supposed to look like. Uncertain My hope lies within other people, And I do not know If this is a curse Or a blessing.

Forged I was carefully crafted From both of your structures. All the flaws and pieces of good Built within me.

Toxicity I staunchly believed That my heart Was the purist Out of everyone I had encountered. But no one thinks they are Ever the bad guy. Just the misunderstood.

Exist I am tired of worrying Over the expanding tension That resides in me. Let me live a little Before I collapse.