Euphoria

by F.S. Yousaf

Through abuse and hurt, I was taught to stay silent. My emotions were never to reach the surface, they were to remain in the depths of my being for letting them out would be unlawful.

How long must I wait Until I am allowed to become Displeased by the way you have handled me?

Perception I stare at my reflection to see Who I have become. I am a sloppy mold Of past memories, Present struggles, And future worries.

I am thankful for the ones that have seen the most of me, and stayed. I am thankful for the ones Who left Before knowing all of me.

Detrimental I will care for you In every possible way I can, But when your negativity Starts to seep into my well being That is when I have to Let go.

I refuse to become One of the many stories In your book of deceptions.

There are times when I wanted the worst for you, Hoping you would understand The roots of my thoughts. I needed you to feel the pain I held, But here I am Praying you never feel like I did. Hoping no one ever sees you Like the way you saw me.

But we can't be together; You're basically poison to me at this point. You probably can't understand, but you will. Maybe one day it'll work, but don't get your hopes up and I won’t either.

One of the only thoughts that can get me through a day Is that whatever happens is meant to happen, And for everything that leaves, There is always something better on the way.

I am sad, and it isn't the type of sadness to go away when Things get better. This sadness strikes at any moment, at any given time.

I feel as if something latches onto me, and drags me to My knees. It holds me down and makes me suffer. I become jailed by this sadness And am occasionally freed. Temporarily filled with joy and happiness, Only to grow anxious, as I know it will make its return. Like an earthquake, If it does not strike often, it will hit with full force.

I win when I do not fall victim to myself. When I hold out till dawn, And all the demons slip away into shadows. This battle is constant, And I fear one day I may lose, but that day is not today.

You make me feel All the love That I have lost in my lifetime.

Our love faded Once the mask came off And your true colors Flourished.