Euphoria

by F.S. Yousaf

I have ignored your messages, Signs, And constant reminders. But I have fallen from grace And I need you more than ever. I vow to never forget you again.

Through abuse and hurt, I was taught to stay silent.

The act of an apology Does not hold the power to instantly heal, But it gives enough momentum To start moving forward. The art of forgiveness

How long must I wait Until I am allowed to become Displeased by the way you have handled me?

I stare at my reflection to see Who I have become. I am a sloppy mold Of past memories, Present struggles, And future worries.

How much of a fool I was To have loved wholeheartedly Without fearing the outcome Of no reciprocation.

There are so many things I would love to say to you. So many questions I would Love to ask you. Call it closure in a way.

But God does not take for no reason. And that was one of the hardest truths I had to come to terms with.

But no one else notices the agony he feels, For he covers it with a smile. A fake, dismal smile That tends to fool everyone.

I am thankful for the ones that have seen the most of me, and stayed. I am thankful for the ones Who left Before knowing all of me.

I will care for you In every possible way I can, But when your negativity Starts to seep into my well being That is when I have to Let go.

I am lost In my attempts to figure you out.

I cannot trust the way You glance at me, For you tell me tall tales Of every kindhearted individual that has entered your life. I refuse to become One of the many stories In your book of deceptions.

You have to promise me That this is something We will work on. We will argue, we will fight, But we must make sure That it won’t be the end of us.

You memorized each Of my weaknesses As if they were your own. Using them, And lashing out at me At the first drop Of emotional distress.

The pain will deepen, But the memories won't fade.

My love for you has withered As winter has kissed The beautiful roses Our garden nested.

Can you not see How much you have damaged Our growth? How you stole our dreams, As well as our innocence?

How dare the lack of love Be blamed On the person Who cared for you the most.

Winter has arrived, And the roses Within me Have died.

But here I am Praying you never feel like I did. Hoping no one ever sees you Like the way you saw me.

If you know that I do not intend To give up on us, what makes you So terrified? That anything can come in the way of us The fear of it all crashing down Is what I can’t seem to let go of.

Tell me this existence is not a theory, But a miracle.

Of course I love you too. I loved you so much that I'm not quite sure how possible it is to love someone that much. But we can't be together; You're basically poison to me at this point. You probably can't understand, but you will. Maybe one day it'll work, but don't get your hopes up and I won’t either.

One of the only thoughts that can get me through a day Is that whatever happens is meant to happen, And for everything that leaves, There is always something better on the way.

Hatred will not Consume me, For the good memories Are still thriving within, Even though You have changed So drastically.

I am overwhelmed by how much My thoughts toy with me. Surrounded by love and support, Yet believing That I am utterly alone.

I am sad, and it isn't the type of sadness to go away when Things get better. This sadness strikes at any moment, at any given time.

The mind is such an awfully dangerous place, And I have to admit That there are times Where mine gets filled up with smoke That I cannot seem to exhale.

The night is all I have at times, And I desperately try to make it last as much as I can. I always feel like this is my final night on this earth To just bask in its lifespan. It never ends up being my last night, And I wake dreading the mornings Even more so.

With her, There were times when loneliness Would strike, And she would be there, Doing her best to be the comfort to my distress. She had never experienced these emotions, As she would only feel them second-hand. Without her, I was alone most of the time And could only bear the pain Until its eventual passing.

Sometimes all we have left are prayers to God.

Enough My heart swells Under the pressure Of not being enough. But she reminds me Time and time again That no one else Could complete her Like I do.

God judges by intention, and it should not matter who you hurt, as long as you pray and read the holy scripture. Make mistakes, beat people beyond recognition, but as long as your intention of not doing any harm is there, God has cleared you from sin, and the gates of heaven are still at your footsteps.

Your words have taught me well, and your terrible actions have too. I hope I am in heaven one day, with or without you.

When I looked into your eyes, I did not see stars, Galaxies, Or anything out of the blue. I only saw the love, the passion That any other man could have had, But only I was lucky enough to.

Self-Improvement Tell me when you are gone For good, So I can Finally start Working on myself.

Alleviate Your choices in life Do not bother me Any longer. You are a free being; I can only hope You are guided.

You happen to find your way Into my words. And at two in the morning, When I cannot sleep, You are all I can think about. It’s a repeated cycle that I cannot ignore. I am writing a one-sided story.