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He held me close, his brown eyes bright with a secret. “Recently I’ve discovered this one thing ….” “Tell.” “It turns out I’m absolutely terrible at staying away from you. It’s a very serious problem.” I smiled. “Have you really tried?” He pretended to think about it. “Well, no. And don’t expect me to start.”
“Darling, what’s wrong?” Darling? The word, so tender and personal, enveloped me. In that moment, any desire I had to fight my feelings for Maxon disappeared. I wanted to be his dear, his darling. I wanted to be Maxon’s alone.
“It’s you,” I said. “I don’t want to leave you.” “Me?” I nodded. “You want me?” I giggled at his bewildered expression. “That’s what I’m saying.”
“So he enjoys a girl who stands up to him,” Dad said once we all calmed down. “I like him more already.”
Lucy’s smile was sad. “It’s the most wonderful and terrible thing that can ever happen to you,” she said simply. “You know that you’ve found something amazing, and you want to hold on to it forever; and every second after you have it, you fear the moment you might lose it.” I sighed softly. She was absolutely right. Love is beautiful fear.
Maxon looked me in the eyes again, unwavering—“there’s only you. Maybe I’m not really looking, maybe they aren’t right for me. It doesn’t matter. I just know I want you. And that terrifies me. I’ve been waiting for you to take back the words, to beg to leave.”
“Maxon, that’s not going to happen,” I whispered into his neck. “If anything, you’re going to realize I’m not good enough.” His lips were at my ear. “Darling, you’re perfect.”
“Soon, when it’s proper for me to end the Selection, when I propose to you, I want it to be as easy as breathing for you to say yes. I promise to do everything in my power between now and that moment to make it that way. Anything you need, anything you want, say the words. I will do everything I can for you.”
He smiled. “All I want is your promise to stay with me, to be mine. Sometimes it feels like you can’t possibly be real. Promise me you’ll stay.” “Of course. I promise.”
Because now I was his. I knew it. I’d never been so sure.
He sighed. “This really wasn’t what I was hoping we’d talk about tonight.” “What did you have on your mind?” Maxon looked up at me as if I must be crazy. “You, of course.”
“Please don’t cry, darling. I’d spare you tears for the rest of your life if I could.”
“America … I don’t know how much time we have left together, but I don’t want to spend it regretting things we didn’t do.”
It wasn’t like I made his world better. It was like I was his world. It wasn’t some explosion; it wasn’t fireworks. It was a fire, burning slowly from the inside out.
