Lucky Jim

by Kingsley Amis

Averting his attention from the thought that Margaret would be there, he went out, then came back again and approached the waiter, who was leaning against the wall. ‘Can I have my change, please?’ ‘Change?’ ‘Yes, change. Can I have it, please?’ ‘Five shillings you give me.’ ‘Yes. The bill was four shillings. I want a shilling back.’ ‘Wasn’t that for my tip?’ ‘It might have been, but it isn’t now. Give it to me.’ ‘The whole shilling?’ ‘Yes. All of it. Now. Give it to me.’ The waiter made no attempt to produce any money. In his half-choked voice he said: ‘Most people give me a tip.’ ‘Most people would have kicked your arse for you by now. If you don’t give me my change in the next five seconds I shall call the Manager.’ Four seconds later Dixon was on the way out of the hotel into the sunlight, his shilling in his pocket.