How to Say I Do

by Tal Bauer

His name was Noël,

I have a dream about him He rings my bell I got gym class in half an hour Anyone?

Twenty hours earlier, Noël had expected his fiancée to say “I do” at the Plaza Hotel in Midtown Manhattan, but instead of seeing her radiant smile smoothly glide down the aisle toward him, Noël heard their wedding planner whisper in his ear that everything was canceled and the wedding was off.

I was taking care of him, clearly, because no one in eighteen hundred miles had stepped up before me.

That was my flight, but… Well, I could get the next one. It didn’t feel right to leave Noël like this.

we were not only headed to the same country—Mexico—and the same city—Cancun—but to the same exclusive and all-inclusive resort.

My thumbs moved in slow circles over his ankles. I was trying—and failing—not to stare at him while he slept.

I loved it. The feel of holding another man in public and having someone special to care for, to have in your arms, and to focus all your little attentions and fondness on.

“I… God, Wyatt, I think that was the worst day of my life, and it could have ended up a lot fucking worse if you hadn’t stepped in to take care of me.”

He was the only one. The only person, from The Plaza in Midtown to Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport, who’d done more than stare and whisper and walk away.

“My memories from yesterday are mostly a blur, but I remember all the parts with you.”

Would hanging out with Wyatt be terrible? No. It wouldn’t be terrible at all. In fact, the only horrible parts of this honeymoon had been when he wasn’t around.

I'd imagined Jenna with me, but, with a little mental editing, I could slot Wyatt into her place and imagine him and me together instead.

It was enough, I thought, to fall in love, even though he wouldn’t fall, too.

A wave rose and wrapped around his waist. I watched salt bubbles pop at hips and stuffed back my jealousy at inanimate water particles. Instead of wishing I were sea foam, I followed him, laying on my side with my head in my palm.

Tal Bauer has the most beautiful way with words, I fucking can't

How did I ask him to stay with me, to not leave, to spend the rest of today, this evening, tonight, and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow at my side?

A vase with a single red rose sat in the center of our table, but Noël plucked out the rose and tossed it away before dropping my plumeria in its place.

I'm fucking dying

jumping up and down like the Cowboys had finally made it through the playoffs.

BOOOOOOO

Jalen Hurts,

Hell yeah for the Phadelphia Eagles mention

Noël and I were flat on our backs on two rafts, holding hands so we’d float together.

The book cover, I am in tears

It was only when he was asleep that I was brave enough to take his hand and kiss his knuckles. “Noël, what are you doing to me?” I whispered.

I held him beneath all those glittering constellations, and as the tide rolled in, I wished on every shooting star I saw that this little moment could grow into forever.

Bluey movie

Excuse me, there's a Bluey movie?!

“I only have three things left of my father.” Wyatt tipped his head toward his dove-gray hat, resting crown down on the nightstand. “His hat.” His hand went flat across the leather cover. “This journal.” I waited. “And the third thing?” Wyatt’s smile was small and sad. He said nothing. That, at least, was going to remain a secret for now.

Ring?!?!?!

“Hey, cowboy,” I purred. His slow smile unfurled like warm butter, lopsided and tenderhearted. “Hey there, beautiful.”

For my first night sharing a bed with a man, I’d certainly ticked off a healthy amount of Never Have I Evers.

A week ago, Jenna was supposed to slide a one-carat baguette-cut platinum wedding band onto my ring finger, and I was supposed to say “I do.” Now, Wyatt slid a $25 ring of sea turtles onto my middle finger and smiled when it fit snugly into place.

OBSESSED

“Now Luis won’t be wondering where your ring is.”

Please, please, please let them see Luis again after they really are married!

He gazed at me like I had climbed into the sky and hung the sun just for him. If I could have, I would. I would have done anything for him in that moment. Hammer stars to the night sky or gather the ocean into a jar and give it to him to keep.

I was dizzy with everything I wanted, my dreams trying to paint themselves in my mind all at once. Noël rested his fingers over my lips. I kissed the tips and smiled. Sleep claimed me shortly after, and, behind my eyelids, brushstrokes of a future with Noël took vivid shape, all of my dreams filled in with sunlight. Those reveries cradled me past dawn, but when I woke, I was alone.

I didn’t want to see it, or realize what it meant to wake up alone and see words scrawled on a half-sheet of paper. I reached for it, and— Wyatt, I’m sorry.

My heart just fucking broke

Ten days ago, I’d been engaged. A week ago, I’d glared a cowboy down in a Dallas airport bar. Yesterday, he’d made love to me so fiercely I’d felt the force of it split atoms in the center of my heart.

there was this: everyone I’d ever loved had left me.

Everybody grew weary of me. My parents. My exes. My friends, who fell further and further out of touch. You’re just… a lot, one of my coworkers had told me one night, drunk off her ass and airing out her many complaints. You’re a lot, Noël. I knew that. Everybody who ever met me knew that.

Didn’t Wyatt remember meeting me a week ago when I’d been dumped and thrown away? There was a reason for that. Surely he had to understand he was scooping up someone else’s trash.

Oh my baby

He spoke like my fiancée leaving me at the altar was a professional embarrassment, something the agency had to recover from.

I got over Jenna, but I can’t get over you, and now I’m fucking miserable all the time—

Dear Wyatt, I wish I’d never left you— Dear Wyatt, I wish I’d never met you— Dear Wyatt, I can’t do this without you—

After a million back-and-forths, she decided she wants the country thing.

Like...Wyatt's ranch...? Ooh, I see where this is going. Tal, I love your mind.

“How would you feel about a Texas winery for your wedding?”

YES

There had to be more than one Noël Bettancourt in New York working in public relations with elite clientele—

The last time I saw Wyatt was from the doorway of his hotel room. I’d hesitated, turning back, looking at his face buried half in the pillow and I’d thought, What if—

I kissed you. I climbed your body and I tore off your clothes and we made love for days. I kissed you, and I sleep with the fading scent of you as my pillow and I think about you every moment, even when I’m desperate not to.

Wyatt shook his head as he answered Tyler. “No, Noël and I don’t know each other at all.” No, not at all… Except for the way you made love to me, Wyatt.

Noël, I think you sent me the wrong email by mistake. I’m still waiting on your flight information.

OH NO OH NO OH NO BUT ALSO OH YES

He had his hand on a bottle of wine that he’d set on the kitchen island between two wine glasses, a beautiful dark bottle with a devastatingly simple label: Son’s Tears petite sirah. His father’s wine.

Oh my god

Say something Wyatt, God, say anything.

Oh my god. Is Wyatt not bringing up the emails because Noël only sends letters after he's gotten over things?

The petite sirah tasted like Wyatt: like a broken-hearted man, and a boy who’d had the world at his feet, happiness drawn in every color of his reality, and then had gone to football practice and come home to his parents’ burned and bullet-riddled bodies.

A boy whose brother had bled sideways and careened off course, and a man who’d rebuilt their lives—and the home I was standing in—board by board, nail by nail, and drawn his family back together one heart string at a time.

He’d planted his father’s dreams, cradled his brother’s future, and had given his soul to everyone else to keep their worlds spinning. And after all of that, he’d gone to Mexico for his brother’s wedding and had found the space to ma...

Right before I fell asleep, I heard him whisper, “And I wanted to see you again.”