More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
No pity for me,
Until it did, I’d continue putting in my bid, recognizing special days, and reminding her that I was still here… still waiting and still ready.
She was my destination. There was no alternative. There was no settlement.
Nature gone remember that when she limping up on the porch after I’ve rearranged her shit.”
“Fix it before you get in this car, Nay. I don’t give a fuck what happened before I showed up. From this moment forward, you are only to feel good things. Shit that makes your lips stretch for your eyes and that heart of yours beat so hard against your chest that you think you need
to see a cardiologist. I’m not accepting anything less and neither should you. So, fix your face. I’m here. Whatever it is, I’m going to make it better now.”
“Broken fingers are no fun. As a physician, please trust me on this. Touch her door, my nigga, and you’ll be forced to figure out how to straighten each one on your right hand as you wait for paramedics arrival.”
It was her skin I craved being a part of because even when she was close, again, she wasn’t close enough.
When she finally let me in, her snugness silenced me. It was unhinged. Gushy, lubricated walls made silent promises to undo me. Unman me. Unravel me. Unearth me. Dismantle me. And I looked forward to every second of my deconstruction.
when it’s all said and done, risk is involved. It doesn’t matter who the relationship is with.”
Fear is fighting to keep you stagnant, stubborn, and prideful. But what’s pride when it comes to falling and being in love?”
I thought about how you’ve mustered the strength to carry our son through a healthy, flawless pregnancy while making it look so easy though I know it’s not. Somehow, saying thank you just doesn’t seem like enough. I wish I could bear some of the load but God ain’t have men in mind when tasking women with the beautiful burden of birthing life.
Let’s not spin in circles, chasing the unobtainable.”
“A slight delay isn’t equivalent to denial.”
You can have it all if you want. Ain’t no limits when it comes to you. I don’t give a fuck about you having your own. You’ve got mine, too. Ain’t a nigga in this city going to step ’bout you like I am. Lay my shit on the line if it means saving yours. Plus, that little nigga in your womb, I put him there.
“So, yes, I deserve your fine ass. Niggas haven’t and aren’t willing to put in the work I am to secure my spot. And furthermore, I’m not concerned with what the fuck they’re willing to do unless it’s lay down behind it because I’m willing to end a motherfucker ’bout you. I’m down bad and I ain’t afraid to admit it.”
“Your confusion has nothing to do with me, Nay. I’ve made it clear what I want, why I want it, how I want it, and when I want it. I’m a fucking man, not some boy, Nature. Especially not the boy I once was. I don’t have time for uncertainty. Make your fucking mind up.”
“I know shit is not what either of us wished and hoped for right now, but regardless of our situation, I need you to understand that our son is and will forever be alright. He’ll forever be my priority. The rest, we can figure out when the time comes. But Mason, you won’t ever have to question where I stand with him. He’ll always top every list in my life.”
As if it heard the shattering of my heart again, it arrived almost immediately after I pressed the button.
Everything will fall into place just as it should. You have to understand that when the universe is ready for alignment, it will happen. No matter how much you want it, how much you crave it, how much you pray for it, how much your train for it, how much you cry for it, or how much you think about it, if it’s not time then it’s not time.”
It was the hurt on her beautiful face that I was afraid to see. It was the pain in her silky voice that I was afraid to hear. It was the disappointment in her beautiful brown eyes that I was afraid to witness. It was the defeat in her posture that I was afraid to encounter.
“She’s your solution to a fruitful life but you’re so fucking scared, bro. You’re so scared that one day you’ll become the person you’ve been studying since a teenager. You’re not her, Milo. You’ll never be her. And if you ever fell sick like her, your fate doesn’t have to be hers. You can let go of that.
That’s the power of love. That’s the power of a woman. A woman is the strongest creature ever produced. Nothing tops that creation. God did His big shit, bro.
“It always gets better, eventually,”
How I’d seemingly slept through the first half of my labor process was baffling but it also revealed the true strength of a woman in the hours of birth. Our bodies were incredible.
As long as he continued to show up, that was enough for me. The rest would work itself out.
“Good, now tell that nigga to quit texting your phone before I put him in the trunk of that bitch,”
I watched my mother do it for far too long. Either you’re in or you’re out. There’s no in between!”
He’s going to thrive regardless. With you two as parents, there’s literally no way he’ll fail another test in life or of life. Winning is inevitable. This diagnosis isn’t a sentencing, it’s simply a new lesson. Don’t let it distract you guys from the beauty of his birth. Enjoy this time. It won’t come around twice.”
One is making sure shit is solid with the mother of your child.”
God, this man is fine, but he is trouble for my heart and my head. I cringed.
“You see me every day, Nature, but you don’t see a nigga, for real. You got ya guard up and shit. Not letting a nigga get at you like I want to.
So, when I ask if you miss me, I mean, bend your ass over the console miss me. Arch your back, miss me. Get on all fours, miss me. Suck my dick, miss me. Spread them fucking legs and let me eat that shit, miss me. Sit on my face, miss me. Ride this dick, miss me.”
“Understand that I’ll knock a hundred niggas out if they’re standing in my path to you. So, if you want to save me my good hand, stick to what you know best, Nay. Me.”
“Listen, my nigga, it’s best you stay away from that one ’cause I’m pulling up every time ’bout it. That pussy there, it belongs to me and I’ma suck and fuck that motherfucker until the death of me. You feel me? Unless you ready to lay down ’bout it, then I suggest you keep it pushing, partner. These are problems you and any nigga you run with want to run from. Understand?”
My priorities were set in stone. There was no second-guessing and no sugarcoating it anymore. Burying myself in work was only a temporary solution. Nature and Mason were the solutions of a lifetime. I needed to make sure they were covered before stepping foot behind my desk.
The ball is in motion. It only took one time for me to see her outside like that. One time and I’m a fucking believer.”
Like, when they bury me, I want him and his dick in the casket with me. You think that’s too much to ask?”
“I’m working on that. Every day, actively working on silencing all that shit and listening to your heart, your voice, your requests. They tell me everything I need to know without having to overthink shit or lean on what I know best—work.”
His woman. His comfort zone. His safe haven. His heaven on earth. His therapist. His medicine. His heart.
Overdosing on pussy. Overdosing on happiness. Overdosing on laughter. Overdosing on pleasure. Overdosing on comfort. Overdosing on hugs. Overdosing on kisses. Overdosing on quality time. Overdosing on cuddles. Overdosing on peace. Overdosing on Nature.
Tailoring our lives to better accommodate one another’s wishes, desires, boundaries, and worries was the key to the solid foundation we’d just discussed.
“I’m positive. Take the phone, Nay. If you find something in that motherfucker you don’t like, address it, but I promise I’m on the straight and narrow. I have nothing to hide, Mommas.”
Her delicacy was my kryptonite. It left me fiending for an ounce of power after being stripped ever so gently. Though soft as a feather, she held so much weight and possessed every part of me when in my presence or on my dome.
And since he’d promised, he hadn’t stopped applying pressure, keeping me guessing, happy, and on my toes.
all fucking day long, I’ve been trying to find the words, trying to come up with the perfect combination and the most sentimental way to ask you to be my wife, but I have come up with nothing. Nothing feels good enough, no moment has felt perfect up until now. So, I’m telling you, I don’t have anything over the top to say or any clever ass speech. All I have is my heart, baby, and I’m wondering if that’s enough to get you to rock with a nigga for the rest of ’em. The rest of our lives. The rest of our good days. The rest of our bad days. All of that shit?”
“I got you. I got us. We’ll forever be good.”
“Not just a wife, baby. My wife. That’s a big fucking flex.”
“Perfect, Nature. Everything is perfect.”
Grief doesn’t have a timeframe. It doesn’t have a clock. It never stops. It just hurts a little less. I will always hold space for your pain, even on our biggest day. If I have to hold your hand myself to get you down the aisle, then say the word and I’m on my way. I don’t care, Milo. Whatever it takes, baby.”
