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“Pussy won’t be on my line. It’ll be in my bed, on my face, on my di–”
Promptness was part of my genetic makeup, it seemed. If there was nothing else we hated more as a family, it was showing up tardy. It was a form of disrespect in our eyes. Time was precious and to be valued as such. It was the only thing in life that you couldn’t redeem.
“Fix it before you get in this car, Nay. I don’t give a fuck what happened before I showed up. From this moment forward, you are only to feel good things. Shit that makes your lips stretch for your eyes and that heart of yours beat so hard against your chest that you think you need to see a cardiologist. I’m not accepting anything less and neither should you. So, fix your face. I’m here. Whatever it is, I’m going to make it better now.”
It’s the least I can do, Nay. Gift you with the one thing that will unbreak the heart I broke back then and screwed up your whole life plan.
“You gon’ stare at it or you gon’ put this motherfucker in your mouuuuu—”
This was my safe space. My heart was content here. Though she probably didn’t believe it anymore, she was home for me.
There was no one in the world I’d rather spend my best and worst days with. There was no other person in the world that I’d rather spend my long nights with.
how could my heart be such a fucking fool?
“I’ve never stopped loving you. Like, not even a little. This child, this child was my security blanket. A way to keep pieces of you in my world, safe pieces. Pieces that weren’t threatening. Pieces that I loved most about you. Pieces that I still remember and won’t ever forget. But since our son has been growing inside of me and we’ve gotten a bit closer over the months, I’m able to be honest with myself now.
Maybe I’m selfish, but I can’t help but feel like you owe me that. You owe me a happily ever after. And you have to give it to me because there’s no one else in this world that has the power to.
The risk can’t be heavier than the burden of not being able to love you loudly is. No one can convince me of that.
Denying me access to her heart after claiming I could have it, wholly, was inconsiderate.
“I’ma spin and spin and spin again until you get it through that thick ass skull of yours.”
The one time I was ready, the universe said, NO. And I’m going to listen. I’d be a fool not to.”
My account is expansive. You can have it all if you want. Ain’t no limits when it comes to you. I don’t give a fuck about you having your own. You’ve got mine, too. Ain’t a nigga in this city going to step ’bout you like I am. Lay my shit on the line if it means saving yours. Plus, that little nigga in your womb, I put him there.
“So, yes, I deserve your fine ass. Niggas haven’t and aren’t willing to put in the work I am to secure my spot. And furthermore, I’m not concerned with what the fuck they’re willing to do unless it’s lay down behind it because I’m willing to end a motherfucker ’bout you. I’m down bad and I ain’t afraid to admit it.”
It didn’t matter what the circumstances were, I loved this woman down. She could have anything she wanted from me, but most of all, I wanted her to have my heart.
“Eventually?” she scoffed. “Who the hell wants to rush forever just to have a husband eventually?”
You’re obsessed with the idea of having me, but not the idea of the work it requires to get and keep me. That’s a problem. But it’s not my problem. It’s your problem. Besides, I’m enjoying the safety of being alone, even though it’s lonely.”
Why you still holding that over my head?” “Because it’s still held over my heart. Time heals, but it doesn’t make you forget.
when I finally saw light again, I didn’t recognize it.
His hand gripped the back of my neck as he tried to fit his soul into my canal. I continued to cream on his dick, producing more lubrication for ease of access.
Together, our moans and groans served as ad-libs to our track.
“Be sorry he treats me this way, not my feelings as the consequences.”
No matter how much you want it, how much you crave it, how much you pray for it, how much your train for it, how much you cry for it, or how much you think about it, if it’s not time then it’s not time.”
“That fear led you to sabotage a relationship and lose a woman that birthed a love so fucking profound in you that you’d never be able to recover from it. Never, bro. She planted something within you that can only survive by constant watering. Not from just anyone, but from her. That hasn’t changed.
That’s the power of love. That’s the power of a woman. A woman is the strongest creature ever produced. Nothing tops that creation. God did His big shit, bro.
It doesn’t matter how much history, how much love, or how much I’m yearning for something more. It just isn’t working.”
this. I wanted you. But I want me more. A healthy me. A better me. I don’t think that’s possible right now.”
“You sound like a bitch, Milo.”
“Good, now tell that nigga to quit texting your phone before I put him in the trunk of that bitch,” he grunted, pulling me down onto his chest where I rested my head. “Go to sleep.”
I wanted nothing more than to bend her smart mouth ass over the table and fuck her until she forgave me for old and new, put her ass to bed, and then go find the nigga that was gunning for my spot.
I ran so fast and so hard that I fell flat on my face when I reached you.
Her need to soothe my ache was heartening, beginning the healing process much faster than I’d imagined it would start.
“You know you got me fucked up, right?”
“You can leave voluntarily or involuntarily. The choice is yours, but either way, you leaving this motherfucking section, Nay.”
Mercer, Makai, and Lawe stood shoulder to shoulder, arms folded in front of them with their fingers gripping pieces that would shut any party down and silence anyone from the section that got rowdy.
You want to be pursued, then don’t complain about my pursuit.
“Understand that I’ll knock a hundred niggas out if they’re standing in my path to you. So, if you want to save me my good hand, stick to what you know best, Nay. Me.”
Like a puzzle, we just fit together.
“If that’s yo hoe, that’s my hoe too. If that’s your hoe, that’s my hoe, too.”
“When you start running from this motherfucker?” he whispered in my ear, dipping his hand into the front of my skirt.
“Handle your shit, nigga,” Lawe advised with a shrug.
“Listen, my nigga, it’s best you stay away from that one ’cause I’m pulling up every time ’bout it. That pussy there, it belongs to me and I’ma suck and fuck that motherfucker until the death of me. You feel me? Unless you ready to lay down ’bout it, then I suggest you keep it pushing, partner. These are problems you and any nigga you run with want to run from. Understand?”
The message remains the same. Come up off that one or it’s up. I don’t give a fuck where we at.”
I had a task list longer than my frame and every task on that motherfucker involved Nature. Until I got shit right with her, the office wouldn’t see me.
Anything that required too much energy, she stayed far away from, including me. So, the minute she felt as if I was becoming too much, she’d put up those walls that I hated.
*hint hint* The ivory one looks much easier to take off.
– the nigga dicking you down tonight
My jaws hurt from smiling so much, my stomach muscles were sore from laughing so hard, and my heart beat erratically from being loved so intentionally and so loudly.
