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The flowers that replaced her government name were a reminder of how much she’d bloomed over the years, and though I’d watched from a distance, it had been enjoyable, nonetheless.
was hard to decipher if I was simply in search of a good time or escaping the things that hid in the tiny folds of my mind. They were small but they were mighty, with the power to humble even the strongest soldier.
I was still praying daily that the reality of it all shifted in my favor. Until it did, I’d continue putting in my bid, recognizing special days, and reminding her that I was still here… still waiting and still ready.
never stepped out the door without drenching myself in the best moisturizer on the market. I was too Black to even consider it.
And last, the plate of gold open faces that partially covered six of my bottom teeth. It was subtle, but it was the perfect touch for a Black doctor who defied every stereotype attached to Black men by society.
Fear. Fear of failure, fear of failing her, was what kept me from chasing her down and forcing her to see our potential. To this day, I regretted that decision. Every time I saw her contact cross my screen, I was reminded that I’d never stop regretting it.
The girl I’d befriended in my early days of college and later fell in love with was the only person in the world I was interested in creating that life with. And until she returned home, I’d continue to roam the streets. She was my destination. There was no alternative. There was no settlement.
After almost five years of friendship, three years of a flawless relationship, it took one night, one mistake to break her heart a hundred different ways. I’d been trying to find my way back ever since. But true to her word, Nature hadn’t let me back in.
She was only three weeks into her probationary period, and I was heavily considering terminating her employment to give her the dick she desperately wanted.
“Jumping on a plane to beat your ass has crossed my mind a few times. Don’t push it.”
“Nigga has absolutely no respect for this man’s woman.” Chem pulled on his blunt again.
“So, you niggas don’t hear me?” “I’m listening, Milo.” “Today is her birthday.” “I hope you doing some tricking.” Though over my shit when it came to Nature, Mercer always had an input.
“What about the carpet muncher she been playing house with all these years?” “Do it look like I give a fuck where she at or how the fuck she feels? Nature done agreed to dinner, so she as good as gone. When I get through knocking her walls down and reminding her of all the dick she been missing, she won’t give a fuck about her, either.”
“This dick can do shit that strap-on simply can’t. Nature gone remember that when she limping up on the porch after I’ve rearranged her shit.”
“You be talking so tough until she in your mix. Then you’re quiet like a bitch.”
“Fix it before you get in this car, Nay. I don’t give a fuck what happened before I showed up. From this moment forward, you are only to feel good things. Shit that makes your lips stretch for your eyes and that heart of yours beat so hard against your chest that you think you need to see a cardiologist. I’m not accepting anything less and neither should you. So, fix your face. I’m here. Whatever it is, I’m going to make it better now.”
“What are you trying to do, Milo? I’m no fool. I know you really well. What’s your aim?” “To be your nigga.”
“I’d never give you the chance to hurt me twice.”
It’s the least I can do, Nay. Gift you with the one thing that will unbreak the heart I broke back then and screwed up your whole life plan. Let me get you back on track. Let me contribute to the woman, the mother, you’re trying to become.”
“Hear me out, Nature. I’m not asking for that today or next month or the month after. I am simply saying that, whenever you decide to date, I want first in line.
I won’t try to force you into anything. Time will do for us all that needs to be done. Just give me the chance to truly father our child before the next nigga. That’s all I’m asking.”
This was my safe space. My heart was content here. Though she probably didn’t believe it anymore, she was home for me.
You’re a smart girl, Nature, but it doesn’t take a woman with a brain like yours to figure out what that message is saying.
I hate giving unsolicited advice, but I’d be damned if I don’t. Watching you burn with desire for a man that clearly wants you as much as you want him is torture, and that’s putting it lightly.”
“You’re different. I’m different. We can’t go back to the people we were. What we were. Let’s not spin in circles, chasing the unobtainable.”
“I’ma spin and spin and spin again until you get it through that thick ass skull of yours.”
“You been good?” “Yes. Just wobbling around.” “I see. Shit. I’m still trying to get over the fact you let this nigga knock you up. Was there a shortage of dick or something?”
“So, yes, I deserve your fine ass. Niggas haven’t and aren’t willing to put in the work I am to secure my spot. And furthermore, I’m not concerned with what the fuck they’re willing to do unless it’s lay down behind it because I’m willing to end a motherfucker ’bout you. I’m down bad and I ain’t afraid to admit it.”
“Good, now tell that nigga to quit texting your phone before I put him in the trunk of that bitch,” he grunted, pulling me down onto his chest where I rested my head. “Go to sleep.”
“Nobody told you to become a carpet muncher,” she sniggered.
