The Noonday Demon

by Andrew Solomon

Eventually, she gave up the medications, so that she could reawaken sexual feeling, and began on the homeopathic remedies she was taking when I first got to know her. The homeopathic remedies seemed to work for quite a while; she feels they are effective at keeping her stable, but when circumstances drove her into a new depression, they could not bring her up out of it. There were some tough times, but she stuck out homeopathy through a long winter. When, once a month, she panicked that her depression was returning, she’d realize that it was just PMS. “I’m always so glad when I start bleeding; and I’d think, ‘Oh! Well, that was that!’ ” Though the lack of medication did not cause any major regression, she did have a harder time with hard things. The overall treatment program seemed to be inconsistent for her physical ailments, the tension-related ailments in particular; her eczema got so bad at one point that her breasts bled through her shirt. At about this time she gave up talking therapy and began writing what Julia Cameron calls “morning pages,” twenty-minute written exercises in matinal stream of consciousness. She says that they help her to clarify her life; she has not missed a day in three years now. She also keeps on her bedroom wall a list of things to do when she is beginning to feel down or bored—a list that begins, “Read five kids’ poems. Make a collage. Look at photographs. Eat some chocolate.”