It Will All Work Out: The Freedom of Letting Go

by Kevin Hart

The punishment of every disordered mind is its own disorder. —Saint Augustine of Hippo, Confessions

when you have to sit with the consequences of your actions, and you really don’t want to live with them, you almost have no choice but to gain a new perspective and become a different person.

you only fear what you don’t know.

But no matter what form your Control Monster ends up taking, they all serve the exact same purpose: to manage anxiety, and make sure you’re safe and successful.

Some people’s control happens right out in the open, in plain sight. That’s the style my monster loves. Whereas other people’s control can happen more beneath the surface. This style is less obvious and harder to spot, since it’s mostly operating inside someone’s mind.

Control is having power over a situation, yourself, or others, and being able to influence what goes down.

To keep you from getting into a bad situation, your monster could put you into overdrive, where the first instinct is to take action and get your hands on everything. Or it could use the complete opposite strategy.

Any form of control is really just protection. And you get protective because you’re afraid. And you’re afraid because you don’t trust. Let me say it again: Any form of control, at the end of the day, is really just protection. And you get protective because you’re afraid of something bad happening. And the reason you’re afraid of something bad happening again is because you don’t trust yourself or others to handle a situation.

we flee in our minds, and that’s called the “freeze response.

By never relying on people to support you, or never delegating to others and empowering them to be in a position to help, you start taking on way too much. You’re putting on way too many hats that you don’t have time in the day to wear.