It Will All Work Out: The Freedom of Letting Go

by Kevin Hart

Read that again: these monsters cannot eat when you’re living right. Why? Because they have no food. Their food is your attention. Their food is your trust. Their food is your unthinking obedience.

Control is having power over a situation, yourself, or others, and being able to influence what goes down. To be “in control” is to be the one sitting in the driver’s seat, with your hands on the steering wheel. Moving toward or away from things as you see fit.

When you can’t release control, you’re uptight and tense. You might never ask for help or you refuse it when it comes, because you don’t want someone else coming in and messing things up.

In the sneaky version of this monster, one of its key methods of control is avoidance. If certain situations or people make you feel anxious, you’ll steer clear of them. And for a lot of people, one of the biggest causes of anxiety we avoid is conflict.

Any form of control, at the end of the day, is really just protection. And you get protective because you’re afraid of something bad happening. And the reason you’re afraid of something bad happening again is because you don’t trust yourself or others to handle a situation.

the fact is, like everyone else, the Control Monster is wrong just as often as it is right. The only problem is that this particular kind of monster doesn’t notice its mistakes, only everyone else’s.

the basic lessons don’t change; they just take different forms.

We have to be able to steer and direct situations a little bit to produce the best outcome. But in a relaxed, aware way, not in a nervous, panicky way. The difference between positive and negative control is ultimately about where the urge is coming from. When the Control Monster is running wild, it’s usually coming from a place of fear.

Remember, happiness isn’t some finish line way off in the distance. It’s something you can experience with every step along the way and every play you make. Happiness is what happens not just every time you conquer an obstacle but every time the obstacle temporarily conquers you, and you struggle to get back on your feet.