It Will All Work Out: The Freedom of Letting Go

by Kevin Hart

the monster can take the total opposite approach, and avoid failure by not following that road altogether. If you don’t believe that you could succeed or handle any outcome short of success, you might pursue another, safer road. Or just not pursue one at all. That way, you and your Control Monster still get to minimize the risk of failing. It’s genius. ’Cause you can’t fail if you never try in the first place.

in the past, when somebody else was supposed to be in control, a situation likely turned out bad for you.

With that in mind, take another look at the kind of behavior we’ve been talking about: you either charge into a situation and take on everything yourself, or you run away from it. Well, what does that sound like? Basically, those are different types of survival responses. In the face of scary situations, your brain wants to choose either fight or flight. And way back when, the Control Monster chose whichever option felt the smartest at the time.

And every time your stubborn, self-centered ass says, I don’t need help, I’ll do it myself or No, let’s do it my way, the Control Monster grows. If you happen to get a little success, the monster only gets stronger and more controlling. Because it thinks it’s got the winning strategy.

Eventually, no one will want to be around you because they are constantly belittled and not seen as having any kind of intelligence of their own. As soon as you lose your success, they will be gone from your lives because it just doesn’t feel good to be around you. Besides, if you weren’t so controlling and took their advice, maybe you’d still be successful. Because the fact is, like everyone else, the Control Monster is wrong just as often as it is right. The only problem is that this particular kind of monster doesn’t notice its mistakes, only everyone else’s.

Nugget alert. Just because people aren’t like you doesn’t mean they’re not capable. Because there’s only one you. There are not going to be more versions of you. You can’t judge others by comparing them to yourself. You have to let people show you what they’re capable of. Because when you’re so worried about people doing it wrong, you never give them a chance to do it right. This monster doesn’t allow you to empower others because it’s too busy trying to control them.

“Hey, open your eyes! What are you doing, man? Show me some self-control. Take smart risks that serve you, not dumb ones that wreck you.”