It Will All Work Out: The Freedom of Letting Go

by Kevin Hart

In the sneaky version of this monster, one of its key methods of control is avoidance. If certain situations or people make you feel anxious, you’ll steer clear of them. And for a lot of people, one of the biggest causes of anxiety we avoid is conflict.

Or the monster can take the total opposite approach, and avoid failure by not following that road altogether. If you don’t believe that you could succeed or handle any outcome short of success, you might pursue another, safer road. Or just not pursue one at all. That way, you and your Control Monster still get to minimize the risk of failing. It’s genius. ’Cause you can’t fail if you never try in the first place.

Any form of control is really just protection. And you get protective because you’re afraid. And you’re afraid because you don’t trust. Let me say it again: Any form of control, at the end of the day, is really just protection. And you get protective because you’re afraid of something bad happening. And the reason you’re afraid of something bad happening again is because you don’t trust yourself or others to handle a situation. “Again” is the key word, people. Because in the past, when somebody else was supposed to be in control, a situation likely turned out bad for you.

When everybody’s trying to feed themselves, and get theirs, they end up starving. They don’t get anywhere. They miss the point. It’s only when we trust each other, rely on each other, and give each other our best instead of saving it for ourselves that we can experience the full banquet of life. We might even experience heaven on earth.

But if you look back on it, your need to control didn’t make things any safer. It only made them smaller. It will ultimately shrink everything, from your joy to your relationships to your life span.

Self-awareness plus self-control equals the best possible life you could ever hope for.