Becoming Free Indeed: My Story of Disentangling Faith from Fear

by Jinger Duggar Vuolo

My faith is still intact, but it has changed. Instead of leaving the faith entirely, I have unthreaded, or disentangled, the truth of Christianity from the unhealthy version I heard growing up.

But along my journey of disentanglement, I’ve come to see that unfettered freedom does not produce the good life. In the end, it often leads to more bondage. Why? Because it puts me in charge of my life, and I am not the best judge of what is best for me.

I can’t obey enough man-made rules to be truly free from the weight of my imperfections. No matter how many restrictions I place on my behavior, my wardrobe, my time, or my appetites, I’ll never get away from my sinful self.

I know that Jesus is real and true. This left me not with wanting to deconstruct my faith or ignore the problems but instead choosing to look deeper into the Word of God.

The grace of God is helping me understand that “if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed” (John 8:36). In many ways, that verse describes my path from legalism to true freedom.

So much of my fear and anxiety after I became a Christian was tied to my overactive conscience. I had created false standards of righteousness: standards that were impossible for me, or anyone, to measure up to. But where did those false standards come from? At the time, I thought my convictions came from the Bible. Now I know that wasn’t the case. Now I know that instead of coming from the perfect Word of God, they came from the mind of an imperfect man.

A Christian woman’s identity is found in Jesus, not in her roles, which will change throughout her life.

When a woman becomes a Christian, she is God’s workmanship. The good works that God prepares won’t be the same for everyone. While a woman can walk in good works as a wife and mom, she can also do that through a vocation, service to the church, and by loving others well.

if I had taken a more careful look at the Bible, I would have found that the umbrella of authority is not an idea presented within its pages. Gothard led me to believe that any little misunderstanding or misstep with my authorities would result in spiritual or even physical harm. Though I know authorities are there for my good and often my protection, their authority is not absolute. Only God’s is.

Gothard emphasized obeying authorities so much that I began to think “obey” was the most important command in the Bible. My Christian life became a transaction with God rather than a relationship with Him:

Incredible. Here was the greatest man who ever lived. The Savior of the world. The King of kings and Lord of lords. No one has ever had more authority than Jesus. But what did Jesus do with all His authority? He washed His disciples’ feet. He served His followers.

Of course, single verses can be helpful, but they don’t explain everything the Bible is saying. The Bible is a book. You don’t take one sentence out of a book and make it say what you want—or assume that, based on the one sentence, you know what the entire book is about.

I would begin to see that the Bible is more interested in telling me who God is than giving me guidance for every small decision I make.

“How can I escape my destructive life, be saved from my sin, and become a Christian?” That is the most important question anybody can ask. Because it’s the defining issue of Christianity, few mistakes are more damaging than telling others the wrong answer, misleading them, or lying about how God saves.

Instead of earning God’s grace by cleaning up our act, the gospel says we simply must believe. Believe what? That Christ saves all who call on His name. Acts 16:31 says, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved.”

Reading the Bible became an exciting act of discovery that wasn’t about me but about God and His glorious plan for the universe. As I focused on Him, so much guilt fell away, and Jesus became more precious to me than ever before.

If I had to sum up my search to understand God, who He is and what He’s like, I’d say I found that in the cross of Calvary.

Contrary to what I grew up believing, the ultimate threat to you and me is not the world. Instead, the ultimate threat to me is . . . me. I need freedom not from the influence of the world, not even from a religious system, but from myself. I am born enslaved by my own sin. Jesus said that in Matthew 15:14–20.

We are already messed up and infected by sin. The world can’t make us more sinful than we already are.

I still have lots to ponder about this stayement

What I didn’t understand then is that unity does not mean uniformity. The Bible allows for differences.

“In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty; in all things, charity.”1 We unite around the gospel, we give freedom for differences of opinions on lots of other issues, and we seek—at all times—to love people.

It’s sad because true leadership is servant leadership. It is leadership that looks like Jesus, who served the church by giving up His life for her. If a man truly wants to lead his wife, he must selflessly serve her by considering her needs and caring for her well-being. This is how Jesus cares for His bride, the church: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25).

In those times, when guilt wants to rise in my soul and condemn me, I remind myself that the Bible doesn’t tell me how much I’m supposed to read it. It does tell me to love it, understand it, and believe it.

I love my girls so much and will do anything to protect and provide for them. Yet as much as I love them, my love doesn’t compare to God’s great love for them.

So unfathommable, but comforting and beautiful when thinking of the love I have for my own children. A love greater than that? Wow.

Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him! I want my daughters to know that God will generously love them.

I cannot give up on Christianity because Christ will not give up on me.

Jesus is the ultimate reason that Christians follow the Bible. Only there can you and I learn about Him. Truth surrounds His actions and words. His power is unmistakable. He is more real than reality itself.